Feminism

Art from Little Fetish Kitten.

I still have my own issues about bdsm and feminism. I do consider myself a feminist, even if I don't consider myself female. I believe that all genders should have equal rights; no matter the shape of their genitals, wether they can become pregnant or wether they can impregnate their partners and no matter what hormones their bodies produce.

I believe in equality for people in general. I also believe that a healthy Ds relationship is an equal partnership. However, my brain can't seem to reconcile that with the images and ideas I grew up with when I see certain pictures or encounter certain situations. Which, since I'm big on the bdsm and am often seeking out these pictures and situations, isn't exactly uncommon.

It seems to be engrained in me that women shouldn't submit to men, even willingly. Women are working hard to be seen as equals, why would any sane woman submit her will to a man?

I have bottomed for two men, before I started to think about my gender as being other than female and I find it hard to look back on myself bottoming to men fondly.

The first was time with someone who seriously abused my trust, my boy's trust and the trust his two female partners. He left me with a very nasty taste in my mouth concerning the men in the bdsm world. It was probably the worst night involving bdsm that I'd ever experienced. That night left scars on all of us and I'm ashamed that I didn't step up and do what was necessary to care for my friend and stop the scene.

The second was with the man I trust most, my mentor. We didn't play, but I acted as a stunt bottom for him in public, during Taboo. I let him teach someone how to spank, using me as a model. He didn't hit me hard and we were not playing. I wasn't in that headspace. I have a lot of padding and I enjoy some serious percussion play when I do bottom, so he was on a very low end of my pain scale. However, there were certain tops watching that I feel very iffy about and I really despise having them twist the image I have of myself as a butch, sadistic top into their image of me as a submissive woman.

So the first time was traumatic, the second was unfortunate due to the audience.

My thoughts seem to trend towards this: I see nothing wrong with being a submissive woman. I despise certain people's idea of what a submissive woman is.

I cannot reconcile these two parts to female submission. I have a lot of friends who are female bottoms. Wether they be kinksters, fetishists, submissives or masochists, they have strong personalities, they are amazing and wonderful people. They don't submit because they're slutty, brainless doormats. They submit because it's something they love, or because it gets them off in the best way, or because those fuzzy endorphins are the best thing ever. If it makes their partner happy, that's just icing on the kinky cake, but I don't think I know a single female bottom who bottoms because her partner is a top. All of the ones I know are either with a top because they found one to suit their needs or because they showed their partner how amazing kink could be.

And yet my brain can't put what I know of female submissive type people together with society's image of submissive women.

Oh brain, why can't you realize that society's brainwashing is awful and wrong and you should ignore it? You've dealt with your fat-phobic issues, your gender misconceptions and a lot of your bdsm ones... this one is next!