Treats for the Strange: power

Showing posts with label power. Show all posts

Wheelchair Worship

When this picture was taken, I had barely begun adulthood and I thought my life was over. I was twenty-one. Many of my health conditions were undiagnosed or untreated. I was sick. I was tired. I wanted to think of myself as strong, but I was just a kid who was lost and confused because my body was breaking. I felt isolated from my friends, who couldn’t understand what I was going through. I couldn’t take care of myself very well. I was so tired that getting out of bed took a huge effort. If I wanted to go somewhere farther than my apartment, I had to use a power chair.

I have never felt less sexy than when I was in my wheelchair.

My chair is not sexy. It is upholstered in a color I can only describe as “medical gray,” a color that says “I have zero personality.” It is a color that says “I am functional and not sexy, because why on earth would I need to be sexy?” The plastic of the chair is red, but not a “fuck me” red. It is not a red that evokes any sort of lust or hints at any secret desire. It is a “we needed to make this a customizable, so you have a choice of red or blue, isn’t that nice” red. The chair as a whole is bulky and not especially well-designed for comfort. Form, I suspect, was not a factor in its design. It is simple, but inelegant, minimalist only insofar as it has few features. It is almost purely designed for the function of getting from point A to point B, and, truthfully, not very well even for that.

Disabled sexuality is virtually erased in our society. People with disabilities are, at best, considered nonsexual, entirely lacking in sexual identity. At worst, we are seen as perverts merely for having sexual desires. And we are, above all, undesirable. The aesthetic of my power chair reflects this–why bother make something sexy when the person using it isn’t going to be having sex?

There is a difference between impairment and disability. To borrow a definition from Stacey Milbern, “impairment is the reality of what your body is able to do, and disability is what society disallows your body to do because it has an impairment.” I have a degenerative illness. Whether I am in a wheelchair or not, my body is impaired. Pain and fatigue are not perceivable by the naked eye. But once I sit in my wheelchair, my disability becomes visible and I can no longer “pass” for able-bodied. When I sit in my wheelchair, the status of my disability does not change, but the way society views me does. Suddenly I am an object of pity rather than desire. When I roll down the street, people avert their eyes.

I don’t want people to see “past” my disability. I want them to see me as a whole person, including my impairments. I have fucked someone in my wheelchair. (I have fucked a couple of someones in my wheelchair, actually, I mean, not to brag or anything.) It was physically awkward and uncomfortable, and also? incredibly hot, because I was living out this idea, that my illness is a part of who I am, deserving of love, just like the rest of me. I also tended to dress more provocatively when using my chair for a similar reason–I wanted to forcibly turn people’s eyes toward me, to demand from them the desire that I knew I deserved.

The photo at the beginning of this post is one of the oldest sexy pictures I have of myself. I took it to make a point. I wanted to confront people with their preconceptions about disability and desirability. With this picture, I wanted to do what social norms prevented me from doing, to scream, “Look at me! SEE me. Recognize me as who I am, a sexual being!”

I no longer use my powerchair. I still have it, but I am on a combination of medications that render it unnecessary, at least for the moment. I do still use a manual wheelchair in certain circumstances. I dream of the day when pushing my wheelchair is seen as a service, not a chore. Some day sleek, sexy wheelchairs will be the norm. Some day someone will worship my wheelchair, and me, in my wheelchair. When that day comes, I will sit as in a throne, and I will be powerful and broken and beautiful and whole.

I really have nothing to add to this entry from Lab Coat Lingerie, except that I felt it was important to share it.

Bound God

Some porn from popular culture! This is a screenshot of Thor from Marvel's Thor and Loki - Blood Brothers. Such nice bondage, some typical Marvel muscle, long hair and a lot of strength and power in such a submissive pose. I'm not actually very fond of Marvel's version of the gods, but this image was worth keeping.

a grip on her bit

A delightful picture from JimmyC.

It's one of those weeks for me, so no clever comments. Again. Just enjoy.

Submission

So, before I start this, let me just say, I like words. I love words. I love etymology and learning about how certain words are connected and why that is and what words have meant in the past. Have some of my musings.

According to Dictionary.com;

noun

an act or instance of submitting.

the condition of having submitted.

submissive conduct or attitude.

verb (used with object)

to give over or yield to the power or authority of another(often used reflexively).

to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.

inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.

marked by or indicating submission: a submissive reply.

Related forms

sub·mis·sive·ly, adverb

sub·mis·sive·ness, noun

non·sub·mis·sive, adjective

non·sub·mis·sive·ly, adverb

non·sub·mis·sive·ness, noun

Synonyms
1. tractable, compliant, pliant, amenable. 2. passive, resigned,patient, docile, tame, subdued.

Antonyms
1. rebellious, disobedient.

And my own note; for antonyms, I'd have to add bratty.

According to Wikipedia;

Submission is the acknowledgement of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior or superiors.

I find the definition from Wikipedia interesting. Acknowledgement of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior. Accepting someone's power as valid. I actually like this definition a lot, mostly because of my experiences with my boy. Most doms assume that because they are dominants and he is a submissive, that automatically makes them dominant to him. Even if there is no discussion of play, they assume that he, being submissive, is submissive to everyone who considers themselves a D-type.

Just because I hold all the power in the world over my own submissive, doesn't mean I have any effect on any other sub. Just because your sub fawns over you at the drop of a hat, doesn't mean they're submissive to anyone who casually introduces themselves as a dominant. That would make the relationship a bit cheap, don't you think? If they'll drop to their knees for anyone, it isn't special when they do it for you!

My boy, for all that he is a submissive, isn't always submissive. He is a take-charge sort of person and he gets things done. If that means he has to bull his way through the plans of me or our dominant or top friends, he has no problem doing so. He likes to organize, which often makes him the one in charge.

Yes, he is mine. However, that doesn't mean that he isn't a person of his own with his own plans and ideas for everyday necessities. If my wanting him to do something interferes with his need to butler, I'll usually wait until he's through. His butlering (yes, this is my favorite new word) and organizing is part of his submission to me. He makes my life easier. He does my taxes, makes appointments for me, pays all the bills and basically does all the running around. Without his personality and drive to do what needs doing, I wouldn't have the wonderful butler that I do.

I often relinquish the front seat of the car to him, due to his carsickness. That could easily be considered submitting, since a lot of protocols would demand he sit in the back. As a concerned spouse, I wouldn't subject him to sitting in the back where he'll feel ill. However, as a dominant, should I submit to his needs? Of course I should. Even if we are in a power exchange where I have the power, that doesn't mean I should always use the power to please myself. Pleasing and caring for your submissive is incredibly important and any dominant who uses submission to tend to their own needs and ignore the needs of their submissives is an abuser. There has to be a balance in every relationship. Everyone has needs that need meeting, even if they're as simple as 'this makes my tummy hurt, can we change this?'

Is my power over him legitimate? Yes and no. Really, I'd say that I don't deserve to have him submit. I'd say that I have to earn it as much as anyone would have to earn respect and acknowledgement. I am not a particularly dominant person. I have my days and we have our scenes where he wouldn't dare question who is in charge, but that doesn't mean I am always dominant to him. Because he chooses to acknowledge my power over him, that makes my dominance legitimate.

A dominant without a willing submissive is a pianist without a piano. Sure, you might have all this skill and knowledge, but without someone to acknowledge it and allow you to put it into practice... you're just a person.

Victim blaming and responsibility

Please read through this. Though I recognize that victim-blaming happens, I find that this also happens a great deal in bdsm circles.

"Once upon a time (not so long ago), when I wasn't yet Piper and was very new and verrrry naive about the scene, I fucked up - biiiig time. After only going to a few public play parties, I decided I was ready to go to a private one, staying with people I barely knew, and not telling anyone the truth about where I was going. I didn't yet know my limits, thought I was the biggest baddest bottom to ever hit the scene, and threw myself into situation after situation I wasn't yet prepared for. I pushed myself way past my limits, didn't safe word when I should have, and did things I was later uncomfortable with, and too upset to voice publicly until now.

I was ill-informed, I was unsafe and I messed up.

When the top I was staying with learned of some of this, he sat me right down and explained how unsafe being mute about my limits and feelings was, and how dangerous I had been to myself. He forced me to accept my limits, and wouldn't play with me until I was comfortable voicing them. He saved me from countless potential future violations and negative interactions.

No one has ever held this against me, called me a predator, or accused me of making the scene unsafe.

However, had I been on the other end of this, people might do so.

I have seen numerous times in this community, a top/dom(me) been held to higher standards of responsibility than a bottom. This is incredibly unsafe and unfair. Not only does this often lead to tops being quickly accused of violating someone's limits, being a predator, or even a rapist before all the facts are out on the table, but it also wildly skews the balance of power and responsibility in the scene - if the tops are given more responsibility, they are likewise given more power.

If I was writing this saying I was new in the scene, I went to a party I wasn't ready for, and I did some things I was ashamed of/uncomfortable with/upset about later, I know there would be people on this site that identify with me. And I know if I said, I know it wasn't all my fault, that it was partially the fault of the people who topped me for not checking in, that people would identify with that, too. What I'm not trying to do here is put my experience on anyone else or theirs, but simply express my frustration.

It wouldn’t have been fair of me to expect these tops to be mind readers. I never gave any inclination of my limits or that I felt pushed too far. They didn’t push me too far – I did. I violated myself, and did so through others, which breaches their consent and their limits, and to those people, I’m truly sorry.

I will never, ever blame someone for something I screwed up.

What I am not trying to do here is put my story and experience on others’. What I am trying to do is voice my frustration about bottoms being absolved of a lot of responsibility and guilt. I don’t think tops can be the only dangerous people in the scene, and yet they receive the harshest criticism and attacks.

I understand, that like me, a lot of bottoms may not fully realize how uncomfortable or not-okay they were with a situation until after the scene has died down. That doesn’t make any violation they felt okay. What it does do is give the bottom a responsibility to talk to the top after the fact. A scene is not a top doing something to a bottom – it is a relationship between two or more people, for however long, and everyone involved in that relationship should have the same amount of power, responsibility, and right to know what happened. How can you blame someone for fucking up if they never knew? How can you publicly chastise someone for being monstrous or a predator if you never discussed that with them?

I am not, and never will be, victim blaming. If a friend came to me saying they’d been hurt, I would immediately be on their side. But I would ask them, did they say something? Did they fully and clearly express their limits beforehand? Did the other people involved know they felt violated? If not, they’ve given up their responsibility in the scene to respect their partner’s/s’ limits and consent.

If you left a scene with everyone feeling good, seemingly happy, and then months later was publicly called out by that person for violating and abusing them, wouldn’t you feel jarred, that your trust in that person to communicate with you had been broken?

I know everyone has their own views, stories, experiences and processes, but I hope that the community begins giving an equal amount of respect and responsibility to bottoms, to not automatically assume that because someone feels badly after a scene that it must have been the top’s fault. Every time we relieve the bottom of all responsibility for their own safety and for their relationship within the scene, we’re not only perpetuating domism, but encouraging a dangerous mindset and process, that I, for one, feel sick about.

So, please don’t throw your story and your experience on other’s/s’. Please don’t absolve bottoms of their responsibilities, and likewise, their respect. Please don’t victim blame, but please also don’t be quick to yell ‘predator.’ And please give everyone the same amount of respect and responsibility you hold yourself."

-tied_piper

Veils

I am so totally in love with this picture. It's from this article . I'm not usually that into Maclean's (or, well, any news) because it's always so fucking depressing. Not that this isn't, but it's interesting and informative and not just OMG
TEH WORLDZ IS SOON TO END!!!!!

Some background info

on me: during my summer after grade twelve, I decided that I was fed up with the bullshit the media feeds us about Muslims and Islam and the Middle East, so I came up with a sort of immersion program for myself--I read everything I

could: literature, poetry, history, commentary. I cooked Middle Eastern food, I listened to Middle Eastern music. I didn't go to a mosque or, you know, talk to anyone actually from the Middle East, because I am (and was, probably even more so was) very shy. But I did everything I could solo. I even had an Iranian e-pen-pal. It was extremely enlightening but I will keep my conclusions to myself, or for another rant.

Now for the controversial part: I find veils incredibly sexy. I love the air of mystery they automatically bestow. I like them on men (oh yeah, betcha didn't know about that? Wull...I didn't), I like them on women, I like them on sheep (only because I think that a sheep in a veil would be really, really cute. Jeez). My mother is one of those left-wing Atheist fundamentalist whackjobs that seem to be popping up more and more--she went (and I assume still does) up to Muslims, Sikhs, Mennonites--anyone who dressed 'differently' for religious or cultural reasons--walked right up to them and said "there is no God". *bashes head repeatedly against keyboard* I really, seriously have no idea why no one has cut her throat in an alley or at least beaten the shit out of her. It's more a testament to these people's good natures (or complete bewilderment) than anything else.

Whether or not her statement is true is not the point. All she does is sound like a total insane person who makes everyone (including me) want to become more insular and shun outsiders and nonbelievers. You're not going to convince anyone of anything like that, except the fact that we need more looney bins. My whole thing is always, 'cool' or 'what's the big deal?'

Yes, I understand the need for social freedoms and equality and democracy (at least until we can come up with something better). But so many people seem to have forgotten that freedom means just that--a state of being free. So that if they choose* to wear a veil or a burqa or several live possums...ok! As long as the possums aren't rabid and decide to bite someone's stupid toddler, who cares? Who gives a flying, monkey-propelled crap what people choose to wear (teenage daughters not included).

Maybe I feel so strongly about this because of my 'lifestyle'. BDSM gets a lot of flak. From a lot of directions, including my apparent sisters, lesbians. (Why does nobody like lesbians? Because even lesbians don't like lesbians. My 'straight' friends were like...how does that work? Because every time it's, "You're not like other lesbians" or "You're usually straight, but you just like me so much that you made an exception". Anyway.) Even within itself, BDSM gets a lot of flak--"OMG! How could you do _____? That's disgusting/horrific/repulsive/unnatural!"

As a band teacher I really hated once put it, don't yuck someone else's yum. I even hate how she phrased that, but it's always stuck in my head and overrides any better phrase I could come up with. But the point is, just because you don't like something, or even you think something is wrong...if it's not hurting you, and they've gotten into it voluntarily...leave it the fuck alone! It would be like if all gangs did was kill each other. They didn't recruit anyone and there were never any injured bystanders or property damage or anything. Well, they wouldn't be around for long, but they also wouldn't be much of a problem. Except to themselves. And that, of course, is my point. If I choose to coat myself in nail polish every morning, as long as I do it in a nicely ventilated space so I don't give anyone else headaches or other health issues...why do you care?

If someone else were coating me in nail polish every morning against my will, that would be a problem. Don't get me wrong. But "an it harm none do what thou wilt" (which I am about 98% is from something much more authentic than Wicca, but I can't seem to find the reference I'm thinking of).

Anyway. Veils. Sexy. Look at this guy! I can't see his whole face! He could have hideous warts. He could have massive scars. He could be the most beautiful man on earth and I'll never know! I read somewhere once that there is no single feature that allows for universal facial recognition (or UFR, lol). People have to be able to see the whole face in order to recognize someone. I think that's what it comes down to. People say, "Ho, yuss, women shouldn't be subjugated, turrible, harrumph." But their gut reaction is "Ahhhh!!!! I can't see their faaaaaace!!!!" And people's gut reactions, especially fear, are very strong. I don't know. Maybe my guts are just weird, but when I see them I just go "Praarrwr!" whether it's this:

Or this:

Or this:

(Ok, who am I kidding, especially this:)

Or this:

...waaaaait...

This:

is ok. But this:

isn't? Whaaaat?

One of the sub-plots of one of my favourite books of all time (FBoaT), Snow, is about how young women in Turkey are committing suicide over not being able to wear head scarves just like that one. They're killing themselves because the government isn't allowing them to wear a piece of fabric. Some people might say, what the fuck, why are they killing themselves over something so trivial? But they clearly don't see it that way.

And now for another weird episode from my life. Back in grade school, you know how they give you a huge stack of weird old magazines and you have to make a collage?

This picture

freaked us out so much that we ended up cutting out her eyes.

Many years later, when this was published:

I of course remembered that face, or more specifically, those eyes. They're unforgettable. And the thing that struck me about the interview with her, twenty years later or whatever, was how normal she was. She didn't care that she was 'being oppressed' or 'impoverished'. She had no idea! How dare she! If this sounds condescending, I truly don't mean for it to--I genuinely find her life admirable. She was just doing her thing, taking care of her family. She had no idea that her face had been everywhere, and she didn't give two shits. Wow.

Here she is wearing a veil, to bring me sort of back on topic:

Ok, it was apparently seventeen years. Anyway. Umm...here's some eye candy. I have no idea

what this is about, but I like it. And it's a veil. I'm sure part of the romance of veils is, for me, the pure sensual side of it. Yes, there's the mystery, but there's also the feeling of soft, gauzy material on your skin, on one of the most sensitive parts of your body (the face). You can kiss through a veil, a la Victor Hugo, and it's a totally different experience. Even the familiar becomes new, exotic, erotic. I even like walking around town with a scarf over my face and just my eyes showing during the winter. I'm invisible, or rather unidentifiable. I can be anyone and no one. The only thing anyone knows about me is my clothes and the colour of my eyes. I, personally, really like that idea. In conclusion: I like veils because they're sexy, sensual, and render a person incognito. Cool.

Anyway, it's a fantastic article and I highly recommend it. My one complaint about it is that it falls short of its magnificent cover picture (waaaaay back at the beginning) and the question it asks: what is more offensive and sexist and backward, covering every part of a woman but her eyes, or only covering her eyes? Which one makes women more of an object? How would you rather be seen?

If this sort of thing interests you, I also recommend The Terrorists of Irustan, a very well written (and very depressing) book.

*key word here

On Elise Sutton's writing

Since I just posted a picture from Elise Sutton, I figured I should post my thoughts on her writing. If you haven't read any of her posts, don't worry, I'll be quoting the whole way.

This is just from the section about 'Unleashing Female Power'.

"Females have a power over men."

Hmm, more like 'Certain women have power over certain men'.

"The truth is that women are the superior gender and that once a woman unleashes her dominant power, no man will be able to stand up to her. Men become submissive and like little puppy dogs when they are confronted with a powerful woman. The good news is that you have this powerful woman on the inside and men desire to submit to her. "

Why do some people think this is okay? If someone wrote this exact phrase, but reversed the genders, they'd be a misogynist! It's too bad the word misandrist isn't as well known. I don't believe in the superiority of either gender. People are people, plain and simple. To be honest, anyone who believes that 'confronting someone with their dominance' will turn someone into a submissive gets on my nerves. I've had plenty of male dominants pull that on me and it makes me want to punch their teeth out.

"Next, begin to use your sexuality. I don't mean to be promiscuous or to flaunt it. What I am talking about is dress sexy and act sexual. Don't dress sleazy, but sophisticated and lady-like. Don't run around in baggy clothes and sweat pants."

Because no one has any physical, mental or spiritual dominance if they're in sweatpants, silly! You have to conform and submit to the whims of your man's attraction to societal views on beauty! No man will willingly submit to a woman who's fat, or ugly, or doesn't take care of herself! Don't be ridiculous!

She goes on for the next few paragraphs about how a lot of men have foot fetishes and leather fetishes, so you should wear leather and heels. Then she starts in on the dieting and looking fit so that he'll deem you desirable enough to submit to.

"use your sexuality and your dominance at the work place to get the promotions and the better paying position."

Really?

"Wear fetish outfits and use his fetish against him."

What?

"If you deny him and keep him aroused and frustrated most of the time, he will be so much more eager to serve you and to obey you."

The idea that men will only submit if you bribe them with sex... is just not positive, not for women and not for those who enjoy D/s for the sake of D/s. I realize that that sort of relationship may work for some couples. Maybe they enjoy themselves and that's all that matters to them.

But for me, I prefer that whoever is submitting does so because that's what they enjoy. It shouldn't matter if the dominant is wearing sweatpants, latex or their birthday suit. They're the dominant. The clothes they wear are not in charge of the situation. Dressing up is fun, but it doesn't make you any more or less of a dominant.

So these are my thoughts on Elise Sutton's theory of female superiority. She has some awesome photos on her site and I'm glad her kinks work for her, but they're definitely not for me. Especially if your dominance starts to fade when you start to get old and wrinkled. I intend to keep my dominance, thanks. No matter how old, fat or unkempt I might get. :)

PS - apparently, you can tell when I use sarcasm by the amount of exclamation marks I use.

Human sink

I'm not sure what medium this was drawn with, but it is gorgeous. I would want a sink like that. It's beautiful objectification of the human body.

Though personally I'd rather the 'man' not be wearing pants. This is still beautiful and I would pay a great deal of money for a sink like this.

From planet damage.

Blindfolded and caressed

A dom sits on her blindfolded boy's chest and plays with his lip.

Mmm.

From My Darker Sides.

bloodied

I'm thinking the bloody boy is dead, but this would be a wonderful medical play scene. The boy laying still after his sadist bloodies him up and wipes it off on his chest. The details in this picture make it interesting. The wrinkles over the joints in the fingers, the hair poking out from under his sleeve and the few bits of hair that are escaping from the sadist's ponytail. Great art.

Art by Hildico.

Powerful chains

I'm very fond of his strong pose, it makes this picture lean more to D/s than bondage. I'm not even mentioning the hand on her throat. Lovely.

standing over

A masochist kneels in front of a standing sadist, a chain around his neck and a flogger visible in the sadist's hand. His pose and the wrapping of his arms are wonderful. Great photo.

I believe this is from Spanking Blog, but I can't seem to find it again.