Treats for the Strange: strange

Showing posts with label strange. Show all posts

Service

Service.

I love service.

I am a sadist. During sex, I switch. I enjoy bottoming for that as well as for the occasional flogging or what-have-you, usually a thuddy implement. I'm primarily a top. I'm also a dominant.

I used to find dominance to be absolutely exhausting.

To stay in the frame of mind where I am the Master, I must be in control, I must be strict and cruel and creative and completely in charge, as well as kind and merciful and loving is hard for me. I prefer to be a creative sadist. I'm very hands on and when it comes to more emotional or mental scenes, I tend to get tired pretty quickly and revert to my sadistic self, since I'm a more physical person.

Which I'm sure is a bit frustrating for my boy, who is not only a wonderfully tough maso (our pet name for masochists) but also very submissive. He needs submission to be able to get himself together somedays. Just like we both need a good kicking-the-shit-out-of-him scene when we haven't played for awhile. Most kinksters will agree it's a major stress-relief.

So, while I find dominance to be exhausting, especially when I was first stepping into the role (back when I had no idea what a sadist even was) I find the idea of service to be totally liberating. I can focus on my needs and without putting much creative thought into it, this fulfills the needs of my submissive. I can ask for food, drink, massage, attention. Even me saying 'pet meeee!' is demanding a bit of service, albeit in the whiniest voice possible.

I've asked for essays, for writing, for art, for pedicures. I've asked for much more creative things, too, but I find the little things are easiest to do and they add into bigger things.

The big D/s scenes are more fun this way, though we haven't done one in awhile. I find it's easier if I break it down into little things. Boot worship, maybe throw in some sadism there, add a bit of body worship, orgasm control, bondage...

I admit, I used to panic when I stepped into my D/s role. My brain would immediately rush from idea to idea and the scene would turn into a jumble. I'd threaten him with certain things and never follow through. I'd forget what I was doing and confuse him completely when I asked for several things at once. Note to self (and other D-types who have this problem); be clear when you're instructing someone. They can't read your mind and they really want to make you happy.

It's taken some time, but now that we're here, I find that I really enjoy having a butler as much as I enjoy having a maso. I love having him 'run the household'. Though a lot of people on the outside of our relationship have commented on how T seems to run everything and be in charge, the duty of a butler is to keep everything running and to make sure their master doesn't have to.

And really, I'd be awful at taking care of a wine cellar (not that we have one).

Not everyone who is submissive is good at service, or wants to be. It takes dedication, love, a stubborn perfectionism and eye for detail. I only wish I could be more the Master my boy deserves. <3

Humiliation or Humility

Humility; the quality of being honest and respectful.
Humiliation; the abasement of pride; being reduced to a state of lowliness.

I can see where the root is the same. But being humble and being humiliated are two entirely different things.

Having humility, in my mind, is being aware of who you are and the possibilities around you. You don't know what sort of experiences and knowledge can be offered by everyone around you, therefore you are humble and respectful of those around you. You are respectful of yourself, the people and things around you and you act with care.

Humiliation, that's something entirely different.

I'm not sure why people feel the need to be humiliated. So many people describe it in an erotic way and I just don't get it. Why is wearing women's underwear humiliating to men? Why is licking someone's feet or boots humiliating? Why is getting fucked humiliating?

If you've consented to whatever humiliating event is happening, how is it humiliation? Is licking your Mistress's feet after begging her to be able to do so humiliating? Is it really making you less prideful? Is it humiliating to be urinated on by your Master after you expressed an interest in trying watersports? Does it make you feel low?

I like licking my boy's toes and sucking them. But it doesn't make me feel low. It makes me happy. It makes me happy because he squirms and giggles and he enjoys it. I love having him suck my toes too, so I know how good it feels and I want him to experience it too.

Watersports are another thing I don't consider humiliating. Your top is marking you as theirs. What could possibly be humiliating about that? That's something to take pride in, if anything. Same with so many 'humiliating' activities.

There is an excitement to consensual non-consent and I understand the importance of role play, but it still wouldn't be something I would ever consider humiliating.

Perhaps humiliation play is a better term for it.

Maybe I'm just wordy today.

Point of view

Alright, ignoring the fact that I got this image at Real Dominant Women... who is in charge in this photo?

I have enjoyed straight razor shaving very much. I have topped from either side of it. I have shaved my boy this way and I delight in the power and control I have with a razor at his throat. It's very sexy and a powerful feeling, knowing how easy it would be to slit his throat. Not to mention how good the razor feels, it's a wonderful sensation play.

I have also topped in the way that I have my boy shave me. I relax in the tub, read a book, soak under a towel, get all lathered up and shaved. It feels spectacular and it's his service to me. He doesn't have the control or power because he's not in that mindset and neither am I. I have the power because he is doing me this service, keeping his dominant relaxed and keeping his appearance sharp.

This is why I enjoy this photo, to be honest. Not only because I have a hard on for straight razor shaving, but also because this can be seen in either light, depending on the viewer.

Submission

So, before I start this, let me just say, I like words. I love words. I love etymology and learning about how certain words are connected and why that is and what words have meant in the past. Have some of my musings.

According to Dictionary.com;

noun

an act or instance of submitting.

the condition of having submitted.

submissive conduct or attitude.

verb (used with object)

to give over or yield to the power or authority of another(often used reflexively).

to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.

inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.

marked by or indicating submission: a submissive reply.

Related forms

sub·mis·sive·ly, adverb

sub·mis·sive·ness, noun

non·sub·mis·sive, adjective

non·sub·mis·sive·ly, adverb

non·sub·mis·sive·ness, noun

Synonyms
1. tractable, compliant, pliant, amenable. 2. passive, resigned,patient, docile, tame, subdued.

Antonyms
1. rebellious, disobedient.

And my own note; for antonyms, I'd have to add bratty.

According to Wikipedia;

Submission is the acknowledgement of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior or superiors.

I find the definition from Wikipedia interesting. Acknowledgement of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior. Accepting someone's power as valid. I actually like this definition a lot, mostly because of my experiences with my boy. Most doms assume that because they are dominants and he is a submissive, that automatically makes them dominant to him. Even if there is no discussion of play, they assume that he, being submissive, is submissive to everyone who considers themselves a D-type.

Just because I hold all the power in the world over my own submissive, doesn't mean I have any effect on any other sub. Just because your sub fawns over you at the drop of a hat, doesn't mean they're submissive to anyone who casually introduces themselves as a dominant. That would make the relationship a bit cheap, don't you think? If they'll drop to their knees for anyone, it isn't special when they do it for you!

My boy, for all that he is a submissive, isn't always submissive. He is a take-charge sort of person and he gets things done. If that means he has to bull his way through the plans of me or our dominant or top friends, he has no problem doing so. He likes to organize, which often makes him the one in charge.

Yes, he is mine. However, that doesn't mean that he isn't a person of his own with his own plans and ideas for everyday necessities. If my wanting him to do something interferes with his need to butler, I'll usually wait until he's through. His butlering (yes, this is my favorite new word) and organizing is part of his submission to me. He makes my life easier. He does my taxes, makes appointments for me, pays all the bills and basically does all the running around. Without his personality and drive to do what needs doing, I wouldn't have the wonderful butler that I do.

I often relinquish the front seat of the car to him, due to his carsickness. That could easily be considered submitting, since a lot of protocols would demand he sit in the back. As a concerned spouse, I wouldn't subject him to sitting in the back where he'll feel ill. However, as a dominant, should I submit to his needs? Of course I should. Even if we are in a power exchange where I have the power, that doesn't mean I should always use the power to please myself. Pleasing and caring for your submissive is incredibly important and any dominant who uses submission to tend to their own needs and ignore the needs of their submissives is an abuser. There has to be a balance in every relationship. Everyone has needs that need meeting, even if they're as simple as 'this makes my tummy hurt, can we change this?'

Is my power over him legitimate? Yes and no. Really, I'd say that I don't deserve to have him submit. I'd say that I have to earn it as much as anyone would have to earn respect and acknowledgement. I am not a particularly dominant person. I have my days and we have our scenes where he wouldn't dare question who is in charge, but that doesn't mean I am always dominant to him. Because he chooses to acknowledge my power over him, that makes my dominance legitimate.

A dominant without a willing submissive is a pianist without a piano. Sure, you might have all this skill and knowledge, but without someone to acknowledge it and allow you to put it into practice... you're just a person.

How not to approach a dominant woman

So! I've been wanting to write one of these for a long time. Because I am female bodied and identify as a sadist, or a dominant on certain sites that don't allow you to choose sadist, I have received a LOT of messages from submissive men looking for a dominant. They ignored the fact that I listed myself as gay, married, not looking, etc. And most of them made these mistakes.

If you've been finding it very difficult to keep messages going back and forth with a female dominant or have been getting a lot of rejections, these suggestions might help.

Keep in mind that I'm a queer sadist, not a female dominant. Also keep in mind that I have a few dominant female friends and we rant about messages together.

Here it goes!

Art from Nifty.

How not to approach a dominant woman:

Do not start by saying 'I am not worth your time'.
If you tell someone you're not worth their time, they might not bother trying to prove you wrong. They'll probably just ignore you. This isn't a sign of submission, this is a sign of you thinking yourself worthless. There is a difference between humility and having no self-esteem.

Do not use a title.
Calling someone Mistress, Lady, Ma'am, Miss, etc, should wait until you're in an established relationship. If you feel the need to call them by some sort of title, why not ask and find out if that's okay with them? Otherwise you're involving them in your kink without their consent. And if it is okay, what title do they prefer? I know I get much grumpier if people call me Mistress than if people call me Sir.

Do not say 'I am a dominant, but I'd submit to you'.
This is not flattering. I've met and heard from lots of men who have done this. It just makes me sad that they can't admit that they like to switch from time to time. There is nothing wrong with submitting and there is nothing wrong with wanting to submit to people you're attracted to, but calling yourself a dominant and turning around and begging a woman to be your mistress gets old fast.

Do not start by saying 'I know I am not what you're looking for'.
This falls under my first point. She'll probably believe you and not waste any more time on you.

Do not say 'I am VERY submissive'.
Just saying that you're submissive will do. She'll figure out your limits as they fit with hers if she has an interest.

Do not make comments on her physical appearance.
I'd make an exception for something like 'I really enjoyed your photos'. But I've gotten a lot of 'wow, so you don't shave down there?' and 'I like your tits'. Instant dislike. Just keep it respectful if you feel the need to say it.

Do not give her a grocery list of your fetishes and turn ons.
This is not what anyone wants right off the bat unless they are just looking for a quick night of fun. If you want her to be your dominant and to have a relationship with you, try talking about yourself as a whole. Telling her about your kinks is part of that, but be a whole person. Tell her about your hobbies, your pets, your interests. I've had better conversations with male submissives about the kind of farms we've worked on and what sort of food we like than I have with any boy that gives me a list of things he wants me to do to him. It's impersonal and not most people's cup of tea. If she wants a list of your kinks, she can always ask.

Do NOT start with 'Would you do this to me?'
Wait until she's agreed to play with you at all! Wait until she knows a bit about you! I can't even express how many times I've gotten this and above all things, it drives me crazy.

Do not start with 'May I please have the honour to chat with you/serve you?'
This sort of protocol is reserved for people you're already playing with. This isn't showing submission. This is trying to play with someone who hasn't consented or even really met you yet. Talk to her like you would anyone else. 'Hey, interested in chatting sometime?'

Do not say 'I am looking for (whatever) with a dominant woman.'
We know you're looking for a dominant woman. The way you say it makes women feel like you don't care who it is, that it could be ANY dominant woman. Which most people find insulting. If you don't see what's wrong with that, I can't help you. However, if you understand what I'm getting at, consider saying something like this instead; 'I am hoping for (whatever) with someone as (interesting, creative, sadistic, etc) as you.'

Do not continue messaging someone who has not responded.
Give them at least a few weeks. Then, if you're still pining, send a reminder. Something simple like 'Hey, just seeing if you got my message, still hoping to chat'. Do not beg, do not whine. Just try to initiate a conversation. If she doesn't respond, either she's not interested or she has some other reason to not respond. Leave it at that and move on. And one more thing, don't make your last message 'Oh, I guess you're not interested...'. It makes you sound like a kicked puppy.

Do not tell her you have no limits/will do anything for her.
Everyone into kink and bdsm (and everyone in general) has limits. If you want to include your limits, maybe start with the basics. 'I am interested in edge play, however my limits are consent, children, animals, permanent scars, scat, whatever.' If she is a responsible dominant, she'll much prefer that you told her your limits than told her 'I'll do anything!' People who say that to me online always appear in my head as the foaming mouth guy from Avatar.

Does this look like someone you would want to dominate?

If you think it might make her uncomfortable, don't say it.

The basics are:
-read profiles before you message people
-write your message a few times if you need to to get it right
-be polite, not subservient
-do not involve her in your fantasies without asking permission (IE; calling her Mistress)
-act like a whole person and be yourself

Dominant women are still just women. They want to know you as a person. Most of them have to like you as a person in order to want to dominate you. Show them what a wonderful person you are and offer them something no one else can; you!

Good luck on your search.
M

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Feminism

Art from Little Fetish Kitten.

I still have my own issues about bdsm and feminism. I do consider myself a feminist, even if I don't consider myself female. I believe that all genders should have equal rights; no matter the shape of their genitals, wether they can become pregnant or wether they can impregnate their partners and no matter what hormones their bodies produce.

I believe in equality for people in general. I also believe that a healthy Ds relationship is an equal partnership. However, my brain can't seem to reconcile that with the images and ideas I grew up with when I see certain pictures or encounter certain situations. Which, since I'm big on the bdsm and am often seeking out these pictures and situations, isn't exactly uncommon.

It seems to be engrained in me that women shouldn't submit to men, even willingly. Women are working hard to be seen as equals, why would any sane woman submit her will to a man?

I have bottomed for two men, before I started to think about my gender as being other than female and I find it hard to look back on myself bottoming to men fondly.

The first was time with someone who seriously abused my trust, my boy's trust and the trust his two female partners. He left me with a very nasty taste in my mouth concerning the men in the bdsm world. It was probably the worst night involving bdsm that I'd ever experienced. That night left scars on all of us and I'm ashamed that I didn't step up and do what was necessary to care for my friend and stop the scene.

The second was with the man I trust most, my mentor. We didn't play, but I acted as a stunt bottom for him in public, during Taboo. I let him teach someone how to spank, using me as a model. He didn't hit me hard and we were not playing. I wasn't in that headspace. I have a lot of padding and I enjoy some serious percussion play when I do bottom, so he was on a very low end of my pain scale. However, there were certain tops watching that I feel very iffy about and I really despise having them twist the image I have of myself as a butch, sadistic top into their image of me as a submissive woman.

So the first time was traumatic, the second was unfortunate due to the audience.

My thoughts seem to trend towards this: I see nothing wrong with being a submissive woman. I despise certain people's idea of what a submissive woman is.

I cannot reconcile these two parts to female submission. I have a lot of friends who are female bottoms. Wether they be kinksters, fetishists, submissives or masochists, they have strong personalities, they are amazing and wonderful people. They don't submit because they're slutty, brainless doormats. They submit because it's something they love, or because it gets them off in the best way, or because those fuzzy endorphins are the best thing ever. If it makes their partner happy, that's just icing on the kinky cake, but I don't think I know a single female bottom who bottoms because her partner is a top. All of the ones I know are either with a top because they found one to suit their needs or because they showed their partner how amazing kink could be.

And yet my brain can't put what I know of female submissive type people together with society's image of submissive women.

Oh brain, why can't you realize that society's brainwashing is awful and wrong and you should ignore it? You've dealt with your fat-phobic issues, your gender misconceptions and a lot of your bdsm ones... this one is next!

Scarification

My pet's scarification, done by me.

Nyotaimori

Delicious sushi stuffs! These pics are of me and my lovely wife. Though technically the only part that's me is my fingers in the last shot.

Mmm, sushi.

on the subject of fetwear

What I love best about both of these images is that these sadists is that they are not dressed to the nines. They are comfortable. They are happy. Their masochists are happy. They're both grinning. One of them is wearing fuzzy rainbow socks, for goodness sake. If this isn't a picture of women who are comfortable and at ease with themselves and their partners, I don't know what is.

Both of these images are from male submission art.

his bed is a coffin

  my movement seemed
a violation of his
       stillness
I must quiet my chest;
  my heart
my lungs
               and let him sleep
          undisturbed

*
-M

Slave bells

More of our personal pictures. This is my wife showing off her bells. I got the idea that she should dance for me while wearing bells, but instead of having them tied around her, I decided to sew them under her skin. The last shot is probably one of the best I have of how the bells were attached. I want to do this sort of scene again soon.