A lot of people seem to have this notion that people are born dominant. This applies to submissives, masochists, sadists and switches, etc, but for the sake of simplicity of writing, I’ll stick to dominants. Though I believe that some people are born with certain tendencies, I do not believe anyone to be a dominant born.
Eg; I am born. I have a proclivity towards taking the top role during kink. However, due to society’s view on kink and never educating myself about it, I never take the opportunity to try this role or to learn anything about kink, D/s or topping. Am I a top?
I am born. I have an interest in receiving pain. Due to it being taboo and my belief that it is wrong, I never indulge myself. I never truly enjoy pain, as any enjoyment I receive leaves me with a sense of guilt. Am I a masochist?
I believe that someone has to practice to learn this sort of role. It’s like saying that you’re a musician. You’ve only ever touched an instrument once, but you know you like it. No one has ever enjoyed hearing you play, but you were born a musician. If you’ve never played with anyone and never tried to learn more or to better yourself as a dominant, how can you call yourself a dominant anymore than that musician can call themselves a musician?
It also goes both ways, though. You can learn all the skills and technique you like, but if you don’t truly enjoy what you’re doing, why bother?
Bettering yourself as a dominant is certainly possible. It’s just like learning to be a better person. You can learn to be a dominant and then you can learn to be an amazing dominant. I think anyone with an interest in becoming something can be great at it. The fact that they’re interested combined with the fact that they practice their interest makes them that person. I am interested in being a dominant and I read about dominance, talk to other dominants and practice D/s with my submissive. That makes me a dominant. But if you only have the interest, or only have the practice, I don’t think it’s the same.
Please remember that this is my opinion, but this is what I think of these people;
-I have the interest, but don’t have the practice yet. I’m new/curious and haven’t started learning yet. That doesn’t make me a dominant, but I can become one.
-I have the skill, but I don’t really care for this role. It may have been an experiment or me trying to please a submissive partner. I am not a dominant.
-I have the interest, but I will never practice this role for whatever reasons. I will never be a dominant unless I change my mind.
-I have the interest and I practice it! I am a dominant.