As one of the few sadists who is out and active in my kink community, I get a lot of offers for play. I think it may also have something to do with the fact that I'm fairly non-threatening, respectful and I do want people to get some sort of play out of parties.
However, I've been approached so many times for play at parties that my boy has started to feel as if the other people I play with are hedging in on our time. It isn't the fact that I'm playing with other people that's causing the unhappy feelings, so much as the constant pressure from a community that is full of unowned bottoms and people who don't get to do much bottoming in their relationships.
I'm aware that no one ever means to put that pressure on a sadist or the sadist's spouse/partner/masochist, but with a large group of people who look at me with doe eyes and ask 'so, have any plans for the next party?' well, it gets to be a bit much. Yes, there are plenty of people who approach me with the utmost respect, who give me time before a party, who realize that my partner comes first, but it's still a pressure.
This isn't the first time I've heard of a top getting harassed by bottoms. Apparently it's fairly common for communities to be bottom-heavy (tee-hee). I won't let it keep me from the community, but it has changed my priorities. At first I tried to accommodate them, but it put a strain on my pet and I, so now I've decided that I won't be playing with others for some time. I may eventually play with a few, who are close friends and who approach me with my partner there, but nothing for now. It just seems best to relieve the pressure completely.
Carrion will post about this eventually too.