How BDSM Saved My Life

So, because I can't sleep and I've been meaning to write this for a while...here it goes.

I'm not going to get into my X Men-esque origins, I'll just start with November of 2005. D had just broken up with me because I was fucked up, which fucked me up more, so I was, in a nutshell, fucked up. We'd done quite a bit of D/s, a little bit of SM, and I'd learned just how much I needed it. And now didn't have it.

I wandered aimlessly for a year or whatever (I could look it up, but I don't actually care all that much) until my desperation finally overcame my apathy and I joined a livejournal BDSM group, where I (contrary to the rules, gasp!) posted a personal looking for a master. I was, of course, instantly snapped up. By a person I assume was black and American....he talked about me being the first white girl he would sleep with, anyway. Basically, he just wanted pictures of me, and to tell me to do things like go commando. Which was ok, in that it was better than nothing, but...not really what I wanted, even then...which is pretty amazing, actually. Anyway. So, I said, you know, this just isn't working for me....and he was all "It's like breaking up with a girlfriend!" ...dude, you've been my online master for like a week. I'm sure you'll be ok.

So then I puttered around for some more time that I honestly don't really remember. And then I went to a party and met Illixim and fell honest-to-god, head-over-heels, love-at-first-sight in love.

Now we get to the life saving part. When I say I don't really remember, I mean it. If I didn't have my (rather sparse) livejournal entries from the time, I'd pretty much have nothing. I was so fucked up that my memories are almost non-existent. So we moved out, and things got better. I mean, we were poor. Very, very poor. But we had each other. And lots to explore. You might say, oh, that's not really BDSM, that's just love. Which was a big part of it. But by now I had the taste and there was no going back, and this love of my life filled my gaping, oozing BDSM hole perfectly.

So, we moved on together, and eventually we thought, hey, why not see if there are other people worth talking to out there, some sort of community?

So we looked up an area munch, and we went (almost chickening out when we got there), and the people weren't big scary crazies. That was May 2009. Then it was summer, and I had no life, so we didn't go back until September. The people who had been running the munch were pretty fed up, and were looking for someone to take over. We were like...so...what would we have to do? Tell a restaurant we're coming on the first Thursday of the month? We can do that. So we hosted the October--our 3rd--munch.

We started getting to know some of the people extracurricularly. Specifically because I, at said 3rd munch, blurted that we would be interested in playing with K. So we went out for coffee with him, and saved our lives god knows how many times by doing so. After discussion, he ended up becoming our mentor, which seems to translate as "someone who saves your ass repeatedly, in many, many ways".

We also got to know R and A, which turned into a massive cluster fuck that I won't get into here, but also got me a horse (another M.C.F.T.I.W.G.I.H) which has been my life goal since I was like five, and has I'm sure saved my life on several occasions.

Huzzah and hats off to you, BDSM. May you continue to open doors and change lives!