Is it a shameful thing to be submissive?
Watch femdom porn. The men wear masks. The men have their faces turned away from the camera. The women never wear masks and you can always see their faces. Their identities aren't something they need to hide.
You know what I hear from a lot of submissive men? I can't go to a munch because of my job. People might see me. People might know who I am.
I never hear this from dominant men. I never hear this from women. I'm not saying there aren't other people out there who are worried about people finding out who they are, but I talk to a lot of kinksters.
Why is it shameful to be a submissive man?
Why is masculinity so far removed from submission in so many cultures?
Photo from redbottom83.
The intersection of masculinity, shame and submission is a fascinating one. It's something I should really write more on and I don't disagree that it's a problematic area.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I would be careful about using the existence of masks for men in femdom porn as an example of anything. A lot of those shots feature pro-dommes and guys who might normally session with them working for free. They get to play, please a domme, and perhaps be a little exhibitionist, and the domme gets a body to feature in her movie. Often domme's will say that masks are fine when they advertise for someone, and so why reveal more than you have to if it's not required?
One could of course argue that this assumption by the domme about the need for masks says something about the culture of shame. But I think it says more about the general culture of sex and pornography. After all, if famous regular porn stars put up ads saying they were looking for guys to have sex with on camera, and that masks were just fine, then I suspect they'd have a hell of a lot of volunteers. But masks aren't accepted in those movies, and there is a lot of stigma and social cost attached to appearing un-masked in something sexually explicit, so that intersection never happens.
I don't disagree with the thrust of your post. But I think the specific issue of anonymity in BDSM porn is more complex than guys simply being ashamed of submission. I think the fear of being identified in a sexual explicit movie kicks in way before that. And the visual style of BDSM is such that it provides an easy get out, as hooding is a recognized aspect of play.
-paltego