Submission

So, before I start this, let me just say, I like words. I love words. I love etymology and learning about how certain words are connected and why that is and what words have meant in the past. Have some of my musings.


According to Dictionary.com;

sub·mis·sion

noun

1.

an act or instance of submitting.

2.

the condition of having submitted.

3.

submissive  conduct or attitude.

sub·mit·ting.

verb (used with object)

1.

to give over or yield to the power or authority of another(often used reflexively).

2.

to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.

sub·mis·sive

adjective

1.

inclined or ready to submit;  unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.

2.

marked by or indicating submission: a submissive reply.

Related forms

sub·mis·sive·ly, adverb

sub·mis·sive·ness, noun

non·sub·mis·sive, adjective

non·sub·mis·sive·ly, adverb

non·sub·mis·sive·ness, noun

Synonyms 
1.  tractable, compliant, pliant, amenable. 2.  passive, resigned,patient, docile, tame, subdued. 

Antonyms 
1.  rebellious, disobedient. 

And my own note; for antonyms, I'd have to add bratty.

According to Wikipedia;

Submission is the acknowledgement of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior or superiors.

I find the definition from Wikipedia interesting. Acknowledgement of the legitimacy of the power of one's superior. Accepting someone's power as valid. I actually like this definition a lot, mostly because of my experiences with my boy. Most doms assume that because they are dominants and he is a submissive, that automatically makes them dominant to him.  Even if there is no discussion of play, they assume that he, being submissive, is submissive to everyone who considers themselves a D-type.

Just because I hold all the power in the world over my own submissive, doesn't mean I have any effect on any other sub. Just because your sub fawns over you at the drop of a hat, doesn't mean they're submissive to anyone who casually introduces themselves as a dominant. That would make the relationship a bit cheap, don't you think? If they'll drop to their knees for anyone, it isn't special when they do it for you!

My boy, for all that he is a submissive, isn't always submissive. He is a take-charge sort of person and he gets things done. If that means he has to bull his way through the plans of me or our dominant or top friends, he has no problem doing so. He likes to organize, which often makes him the one in charge.

Yes, he is mine. However, that doesn't mean that he isn't a person of his own with his own plans and ideas for everyday necessities. If my wanting him to do something interferes with his need to butler, I'll usually wait until he's through. His butlering (yes, this is my favorite new word) and organizing is part of his submission to me. He makes my life easier. He does my taxes, makes appointments for me, pays all the bills and basically does all the running around. Without his personality and drive to do what needs doing, I wouldn't have the wonderful butler that I do. 

I often relinquish the front seat of the car to him, due to his carsickness. That could easily be considered submitting, since a lot of protocols would demand he sit in the back. As a concerned spouse, I wouldn't subject him to sitting in the back where he'll feel ill. However, as a dominant, should I submit to his needs? Of course I should. Even if we are in a power exchange where I have the power, that doesn't mean I should always use the power to please myself. Pleasing and caring for your submissive is incredibly important and any dominant who uses submission to tend to their own needs and ignore the needs of their submissives is an abuser. There has to be a balance in every relationship. Everyone has needs that need meeting, even if they're as simple as 'this makes my tummy hurt, can we change this?'

Is my power over him legitimate? Yes and no. Really, I'd say that I don't deserve to have him submit. I'd say that I have to earn it as much as anyone would have to earn respect and acknowledgement. I am not a particularly dominant person. I have my days and we have our scenes where he wouldn't dare question who is in charge, but that doesn't mean I am always dominant to him. Because he chooses to acknowledge my power over him, that makes my dominance legitimate.

A dominant without a willing submissive is a pianist without a piano. Sure, you might have all this skill and knowledge, but without someone to acknowledge it and allow you to put it into practice... you're just a person.