Laces

Please excuse the grass in the bottom of the painting, I took the picture outside at a kinky picnic.

This is a painting by me, I've been meaning to upload for some time now. The ribbon is actually laced through the canvas. It's currently for sale at Positive Passions, but I'm thinking of taking it home. I have very few paintings at home that I'm proud of.

bound at home

A sweet photo from Hart.

a slap to the face

Oh Sardax. You're wonderful :)

Kneeling in submission

This artist has some of the most beautiful work. I think this might have been done in coffee, which I'm totally curious to try. But beyond that, just look at their poses. He kneels, head bowed, hands up as if to touch her hand on his head. Such a beautiful physical submission to her.

Though my terrible brain sees her other hand over her face and I don't know what to think besides *facepalm*.

On the other hand... I have had this happen to me by someone who was a friend and not in any way my play partner or even a potential play partner. It really pissed me off that he would try to physically submit to me without my consent. Please, subs, talk about playing with people before you do this in front of them.

Absolutely gorgeous work by the very talented Jenny Dolfen.

reactions

This is a great photo from Alex and his submissive pet.

This picture reminds me of a scene I did with my boy. We were doing either wax play or I was using the flame of a candle to burn her, but we were role playing and she was so in character that she blew out the candle before she could even think about what she was doing. Her look of horror after she'd realized what she'd done was spectacular. It was one of those 'Oh, shit' moments. I couldn't help laughing.

A domme

I often find this idea amongst primarily online male submissives; I want a domme. Any domme.

I present as a woman in my community, butch though I am, just because it's easier than talking to people about my gender and having to explain something that doesn't effect them anyway. So, when people contact me online, though my gender is not stated on certain profiles, they contact me as if I am a female dominant. Both of these things are inaccurate, as I'm a sadist with a few dominant leanings, but I generally just leave it at 'I'm a sadist'.

When male submissives (most of whom I have never met in public, and probably will never meet in public due to their belief that someone will see them with kinky people and just know that they are with kinky people, no matter how vanilla we look) approach me, oftentimes I will ask them what they are looking for in a dominant. The idea that I get from this reminds me of this picture. They want the leather and latex, the 'dominant attitude' and sex appeal of being controlled and sexually used by a powerful, stereotypically beautiful woman.

And so, when they figure out that I am a person, who does not fit the tailored fantasy clothes they have ready for their ideal domme, they back away. They stop messaging. They tell me I am not a real dominant. They accuse me of being a man. They accuse me of being a bitch, a tease, etc, etc. And I am not the only one who gets these messages.

I want a domme. Any domme will do.

As long as she can fit in my fantasy bubble of what a domme is and how she will make me happy.

Art from Dominance and submission.

blissful pain

I think my favorite thing about this picture is the sadist's drawers. SO CUTE.

More seriously, though they're obviously dressed up for this photo, their pose is awesome and I love how the sadist is gripping her masochist by the hair. The masochist holding her hair right alongside the sadist is exactly what my pet does when I'm just a bit too rough.

From Dominance and submission.

Statue

Stunning objectification from the very talented Hikari Kesho. I want a little pillar like that so I can make my boy pose for me and be a statue.  I love this stuff.

five cuffs

Except for the face, this boy reminds me a lot of my pet. The long limbs, the pale skin, the reddish hair, even the toes. I couldn't resist posting this.

Some lovely work from Anthony Seeker.

Lingerie and bruises

Ahh, look at that! That is a beautiful bruise.

Schismorphosis.

Quiet

This photo makes me feel peaceful. She must feel very quiet, content. It's always wonderful to be able to be present in your body during bdsm.

From Brutal Hawk.

long hair and cuffs

From Nib Floyd.

Lovely lady.

time

Some pretty objectification. Also, heh... butt clock.

From esenciasumisa.

Top Poaching

So, Illixim had been offering to play with people at parties, you know, those without partners, or those who wanted to try something new. Which is great.

Problem was, they started expecting it, to the exclusion of me. Normally, it's perfectly reasonable to just ask the top in a relationship, but we're also married. You wouldn't just be in front of one partner and be saying to the other, "Hey, so we're still going to fuck on Saturday?" without knowing how the other one feels about that. Just because something has happened once, do not assume that it will happen all the time. When I am not getting as much play as I would like, why would I want some outsider getting play from my wife?

I talked to Illixim about this and she was totally cool with it. We tried telling people that they had to talk to me first, but they all just did this really passive-aggressive asking her in front of me. Um, sorry. That's not asking me. That's discussing it with her in front of me, and making me feel like the bad guy for not letting you play with my dominant. Boo hoo. Get your fucking own.

It's one of those situations where there isn't really one person or incident that you can point to and go, "Ah ha, that was it!" It was just a bunch of little things, any one of them being petty, but taken together it was too much. So, she's not playing with anyone but me for a while, and hopefully they'll figure out that she's not just a prodomme or something, that they can just use to get their rocks off (and not even pay!).

I felt kind of shitty doing this, because I want people to play and have fun, and I really don't want to be the bad guy. At the same time, I was finding the whole situation extremely irritating and I don't like feeling that way.

I'm just getting really jaded about the whole 'community' here. And again, there's really not one person or situation I can point to and say, "If they were gone..." or "If this were to not happen..." It's just the whole scene. More and more I just want to say 'fuck off' and just play with Illixim. I hope I'll feel better after our vacation :)

**Edit**

I just read Illixim's piece about this topic and had a few things to add. Firstly, she's exactly right: if someone were to approach both of us or just her respectfully and say, "You know, if you're going to be at the next play party and you're free, I'd really like to play, if that's alright" or "Could we have coffee and talk about playing sometime". But it's the expectation, the pressure, the "Well, you're the head of this group, it's your duty to accommodate us" attitude. Well, no, it's not. We host munches. We put on parties. We are not here to entertain you or hold your hands or make sure you play. That's up to you. If you can't be fucking grown up enough to figure out that much, what the hell business do you think you have in BDSM? Be mature enough to take no for an answer, to realize that yes, Illixim is the dominant but we are also in a committed relationship. At least respect us both to ask what our rules and boundaries are. And that's what it is: a lack of respect. A lack of common sense and a lack of stopping to think. They don't respect her because they don't care about her. They're just playing with her to get played with, which I find very demeaning. They show me even less respect because they don't want anything from me.

Or what would be even better, "Hey, I realize that your wife comes first, but would you be willing to do a scene with me/talk about playing?" Or...well, pretty much anything than what has been happening, what Illixim said, "So, next play party...*blinkblink*"

A different cock tonight

Is this supposed to be humiliation play? Because I don't know if I see it as humiliating. Just obedience and servitude. If that's what your top wants... well, he should do it. He shouldn't feel inadequate, since he's obeying and doing as he's told.

This is not humiliating. He's just a good boy.

To dress as a woman

Wow.

I really don't even know what to say about this picture, except that he is absolutely stunning and this is what I love about crossdressing. Because he is absolutely beautiful and just as hairy and muscular as a man can be. And he can still wear a beautiful corset, garters and stockings. He can be delicate and feminine and manly and fuzzy and muscular and drop-dead gorgeous all at once. This is why I love crossdressing.


Not because women are more submissive, not because men believe women to be sluts and therefore dressing as a woman means dressing as a slut, but because sometimes they look gorgeous in clothing designated for women. Sometimes it's just lovely.

And sometimes they can be a dirty, filthy little girl in frilly panties, and that's okay.

Sometimes, I think people forget that as long as everyone's consenting, fetishes and kinks don't really hurt anyone. Maybe we should just let them be.

Apparently I did know what to say about this picture. Huh.

This epiphany has been awhile coming. I've been debating the misogyny of crossdressing with a few other female dominants and reading a lot about it. It's just like any kink, especially those that can be insulting. Race play, consensual nonconsent... so many of these things can be construed as racist, misogynistic, homophobic, whatever, but it's not meant to be seen from outside, in a way. What's important is what the people involved are getting out of it.

If you're involved and it squicks you, remove yourself. Call red. It's that simple.

Blindfolded and caressed

From Safeword.

Beautiful photo. I really have nothing to say about it, just wanted to share.

in another place

It might just be me reading into it, but I read such happiness in this man's expression. As if his top has taken him away from all the trouble in his life and put him on a different plane. There's nothing left to think about other than showing his love and reverence to his top.

From Cypher.

Toes

Some lovely leg bondage. Look at those toes! Doesn't look terribly comfortable, but a beautiful look.

From Justin Williams.

sheepskin lined cuffs

Look at dat ass!

Heh, I mean, look, intelligent remarks on some bdsm-oriented art!

From omgwtf.

Kinky olympics

Awesome idea. Image from NSFW stunts.

Sushi platter

So, earlier I posted the picture of a woman bound, covered in chocolates and I compared it to a photoshoot I had done with my boy. Well, this is one of the pictures from that shoot. This is my boy, covered in sushi.

It's always wonderful to look back. I can see how fresh the burn scar on his ribs is. You can hardly see that scar now. And you can see a matching one on the elbow, still really red looking. And look at my rope! I've really improved, haha. Still, I love these photos.

These are mine :)

Picture removed

Picture removed

laying limp

From Freakshow09.

most common fantasies

These are adorable! I'm really fond of a lot of Humon's art, there's a lot of creativity, different body sizes, kink and exploration of different sexualities. I don't think this is the entire comic, just the first parts, but I highly suggest looking up more of Humon's work.


Now for my take on each of these kinks:

Objectification
As anyone who read my blog with any regularity should know, I love this. Objectification is beautiful, often artistic and it makes a person into a stunning statue or work of art. As far as I'm concerned, you can't go wrong.

Still, I always worry that my boy will get bored of being a footrest while I read. It never seems to happen though. :)

Chastity
I'm not really interested in chastity myself, since sex is an integral part of me and my relationship. I understand not having it once in awhile because then everything seems even more amazing when you finally do... but we tried a chastity device and not only do they not work very well for female-bodied people, but they're cumbersome and hard to get off when your pet really has to pee.

I can see why people are into it, but I'd much rather control someone by saying 'no, you don't have permission to touch yourself' rather than buckling them into this contraption. I'd want them to have some self-control.

Forced bisexuality
Any kink with the word 'forced' in it tends to bother me a little. I know that most of the time, the idea of being forced into something is erotic and it's just roleplay, but I know if I was a gay submissive and someone tried to do forced bisexuality with me, that'd be a red immediately, and we'd have to have a serious talk.

Still, allowing someone to experiment with their urges for the same or opposite sex is wonderful, as long as all parties are consenting.

Forced feminization
There's been a lot of talk about this one lately. Mostly, people see this as humiliating. Which drives me up the wall. There is nothing humiliating about being dressed as a woman. What should really be called humiliating is that generally those who are into forced feminization are into being dressed up in a very provocative way. I know if someone dressed me up that way, I'd be pissed off.

The idea that crossdressers see women as sluts bothers me. But I've never actually met a crossdresser that can accurately describe what it is that they want and what they get out of this.

I think it shouldn't be called crossdressing. It should be called slut-dressing or something. There's nothing wrong with being a slut, but not all women are and it's not very flattering to say 'I'm dressing as a woman' when you're dressing as a percentage of women.

I do understand the appeal of dressing your play partner up like a slut, calling them names, getting them to play a role they never play in public. However, it isn't a reflection on all women.

Sometimes I wonder if I just over think these things because of who I live with and am mentored by.

Any crossdressers/sissies/those into feminization reading this have an opinion?

Anyway, go check out Humon for some awesome art.

Chocolate and rope

I'm totally in love with these photos! They remind me of a photoshoot I did with my pet, only instead of chocolate, it was with sushi. The model is really lovely, the rope is amazing and the placing of the chocolates is delicious. :) Awesome stuff.

From Master Frederick.

bondage and gloves

Mmm, being touched by leather gloves, or touching someone with them is such a wonderful turn on.

Really lovely ropes too, I always try to make my bondage look that nice, but it only works out one time out of five. :P I suppose it just takes practice and patience.

Beautiful picture from Captured Guy.

Melting

Melting wax over her tattoo. I love her big eyes. :)

From Bondagist.

intricate

Beautiful rope from Erinkyan.

Good dog

From Cinemel.

I think she's using a condom like a treat! Hah, nice.

Devalued male submission

“The BDSM blogosphere has been all aflutter lately about the devaluation of male submission. And it’s about fucking time. Because the kink scene treats male subs as if they are unwanted, uninvited guests, not recognizing the fact that they are real people with feelings of their own, that their dominant partners cherish them. Every time I see a Fetlife profile that reads “I’m not attracted to submissive men” (frequently, in my experience, on the profiles of female switches and occasionally other female dominants), my stomach clenches. They don’t seem to realize that such an attitude is linked to another problem in the scene: the tokenization of female dominants.

The public BDSM scene has a predilection towards the maledom femalesub dynamic. If you are female, you are presumed to be submissive unless stated otherwise, and if you are male, you are presumed to be dominant unless stated otherwise. (And if you are non-gender-normative, if you don’t fit in a nice little ticky-box, then the scene may accept you but not really know what to do with you.) As much as we would like to believe that the scene is a problem-free sexual utopia, it still suffers from many of the problems that mainstream society does. Straight male sexuality is prioritized, and thus straight male doms are the prevailing players in the scene. Straight male doms have no use for male subs, yet they still like female doms—they like us because we bring a certain energy to the scene and are fun to talk to and be around and because they hope that maybe we’ll co-top their girls with them and that they might be able to get into our pants.

So my sexuality is something that people in the scene can appreciate and sort of see the value in from afar. But the object of that sexuality is not accepted in the scene. While male subs are not seen as potential objects of desire, female doms are seen only as objects of desire. That’s how I feel sometimes as a femme dom in the public scene: they see me, but not my desires.

I feel like Geordi.


In Star Trek: the Next Generation, the character Geordi LaForge never got laid (this is where I out myself as a nerd, if the pseudonym and the lab coat and the giant boner for science weren’t already a dead giveaway). They had to have a character who was black and disabled, to show how progressive and inclusive they were. But they weren’t progressive enough to give him a sex life. Hollywood had this ridiculous idea about the primal, savage nature of black men, especially in relation to their sexuality. And so the closest poor Geordi ever gets to having a sexual relationship is with a holographic character, and even that is unconsummated–he gets blue-balled by his own fantasies, because oh no, if we show a black man in a sexual situation then the viewers will have to be reminded of the fact that he has a penis. We all know that there’s nothing scarier to mainstream 90′s American culture than a black man’s penis–the popularity of racist porn stemming from the eroticization of this fear belies it. (Not to mention the fact that Geordi falls right into the trope of “disabled characters don’t have a sexuality.”)  Geordi and I are both welcomed in our respective communities, as long as we keep our sexual desires silent—closeted—and to ourselves.

When I meet het male doms, I always try to make it abundantly clear to them from the beginning of our association that I am not a switch, I am not interested in playing, I am not interested in co-topping girls with them, I am not interested in anything beyond friendship with them.

And often, they continue to be friendly. And I like that because I am also friendly and I like to have friends, of all orientations. And I think to myself, “you know, we’re different, we get off on different things, but maybe he can appreciate me for who I am even though I’m not submissive and he knows we can’t have that type of interaction.”

“Maybe he can still respect me and the dynamic that I enjoy.” But then I hear language that refers to male submission as if it is something disgusting or shameful.

And that’s what bothers me.

A few months ago, maymay was referred to as “such a fucking weak-ass male submissive that he makes male submission look bad” by a dominant man who is well-known in the local community.

This writing has since been deleted. But the harmful words still ring in my ears. Maymay is not making male submissives look bad. The author is the one who is making male submissives look bad, because he is using the words “male submissive” as an insult. Would he have said “a fucking weak-ass gay”? I think not, at least, not in the San Francisco scene—such words have a clear underlying implication of homophobia. But somehow, using someone’s D/s status as a slur is acceptable.

While I don’t enjoy the maledom-femsub dynamic myself, I think it is a completely valid sexuality. I would never presume to tell someone otherwise. These het-male-doms who make up the mainstream of the subculture that we inhabit? I think they like me and respect me and think I’m hot, but I don’t know if they think my sexuality is valid.

And so I feel tokenized. It’s not fair to me, because where would I, a femme dom, be without my masculine sub? We are two sides of a coin. Today I am not beating my queer drum; today I am borrowing maymay’s drum: You cannot truly respect me without respecting my submissive as well. If you value me, you must value him.

There is a lot of male submissive-shaming in the public scene.  You’ll hear it all the time.  “Male subs are creepy,” “male subs spoil the atmosphere, so we don’t want to encourage them.” And while I have indeed encountered many male submissives who have acted in inappropriate ways, I have one question to ask: why do you suppose that male subs like maymay who do respect boundaries don’t feel welcome in the scene? It’s not because they are making male submission look bad, it’s because you are equating male submission with badness.

And by doing this, you are hurting me.

This is the reason I go to sleep alone every night. It’s not because there’s something wrong with me as a potential romantic/sexual partner. It’s because there’s no one for me to date. Because everyone’s been telling all the male submissives that they’re unwanted for so long that they won’t come out to play. So I’m sitting here in my kinky sandbox with my toys all by myself.

And it hurts.

If you respect me, if you respect my identity as a female dominant, then recognize that when you devalue male submission, you are devaluing the objects of my desire, and by doing so, you. are. hurting. me. too.”

Again, by Professor Chaos.

Doms don't cry

Mainstream femdom plays into the notion that female dominants are invulnerable to emotion, with images of cold ice-queens who endlessly berate their submissives, referring to them as worthless or pathetic.  I will never understand this.  Why bother owning something worthless?  If he’s so pathetic, why are you playing with him?

And then, of course, there’s withholding sex as a punishment.  This, too, I do not understand.  Why withhold sex?  I wouldn’t want to withhold sex.  I love sex.  Not that I don’t enjoy chastity play, but I prefer to think of it as putting my favorite toy away when I’m not using it.  Perhaps most femdoms are, in fact, ice-queens with no sex drive but who have an endless drive for inflicting cruelty and degradation.  But I suspect not.  I suspect more of them are like me.

I am a dominant woman.  I am not invulnerable to desire.  On the contrary, I am super-susceptible to desire.  My desire controls me.  My desire incites me to control others.  The key is not about not having power–but about taking that power away.  Not giving up control, but the loss of control caused by another.  I don’t want someone who is always submissive, without any input from another–I want my dominance to be the key that unlocks the feeling of surrender inside of them.  I don’t want someone who is worthless.  I don’t want someone pathetic. I want someone valuable.  I refuse to devalue submission, or the people that submit to me.  It’s not that I’m better than they are or that my desires are worth more.  It’s just that my  desires are…more important.

I am a dominant woman.  I’m not perfect.  I don’t think of myself as perfect.  I don’t think I am better than anyone else.  I don’t have super high self-esteem.  I do have healthy self-esteem, most of the time.  But above all, I hold myself in high esteem.

I’ve seen the term “slaveheart”–the idea that a slave is someone who has a heart that longs to be owned by another.  Slavehearts are often depicted as fragile and vulnerable.  But there is no counterpart for dominants, as though our feelings don’t matter, as if our hearts can’t get broken.  So I am proposing a corollary term for a dominant: a dominant spirit.  A spirit that yearns to possess and overthrow.  A spirit that is passionate and loving and fierce and tender.

As I walk this path, as I make this journey (although at times I loathe the trite comparison between BDSM exploration and a journey) I see the insecurities in my heart like cracks on the sidewalk.  Thus far, I have a much better idea of who I am and what I want than I did a few years ago.  For that, I am grateful.  But sometimes it makes me feel hopeless because what I want seems so unattainable.  The further I walk on this path, the more cracks I see in the pavement.

I am a dominant woman.  I am not invulnerable to desire.  I am not invulnerable to loneliness.  Or heartbreak.

Written by Professor Chaos.

red handprint

From Atlantis Vampir.

I really like the art, there's some great attention to detail. Not only that, but the nice handprint on the bum, the chain garters, the long hair and her shadow. Lovely work! It's too bad about the watermark over her bum, but I understand why it's there.

So, 1000 posts here on StrangeTreats. Cool.

boot to the face

Rawr, another absolute gem from Combat boot fetish. I love his fingers and that expression on his face. I have a photo of my boy under my boot that's quite similar to this. Which might be part of why I love it so.

I have such a boner.

CMNF

Is it strange that I love his suit and mustache?

It's funny, I find smoking very sexy, but I find the smell of cigarettes, addiction to cigarettes and smoking outside of kinky play really un-sexy.

Art by Georges Topfer.