Also, sideburns are pretty awesome.
fuzzy and bound
Also, sideburns are pretty awesome.
Rope and skin
Photo from Jvrsta.
boot licking love
So this morning, my wife left a story open on the computer. Had some serious size difference, some power exchange and beautiful SM. It was ...very distracting. So not only was I late for work this morning, but I was horny as hell for the entire day. Damn you porn!
Picture from Gay Demon.
human swing
Also, they have great booty.
big smile
PS, combat boots are hot. Especially on happy, naked ladies.
From 5 feet 12 inches.
boot paddle
From Combat Boot Fetish.
by the neck
I've never been to fond of those kinds of bondage mitts, but apparently they work.
Ask button
So, I'm trying the ask widget thing from formspring for awhile. We'll see if I like it. I'm not sure about it yet.
Maybe I'm too picky about the way my blog looks.
PS, it's at the bottom of the page.
Maybe I'm too picky about the way my blog looks.
PS, it's at the bottom of the page.
Gagged and bound (adorably)
Art by Awabubbles.
sleep
Tonight is not a night for sleeping, apparently.
Beautiful photo from David Samson.
bound feet
This picture really reminds me of the art I posted recently, by Adriana Munoz. I think it would be interesting to print photographs on canvas and make them mixed media in the same way that she did.
symmetry of skin
Your beautiful photos make me happy. Especially the fat-positive ones.
*wipes up drool*
Unfinished bondage
Are they not finished their rope play, or are they just starting to free him? He still has his chest harness on.
I absolutely adore this image, it's one of my favorites. Him looking up at the camera as if paying close attention even though blindfolded is very sexy. I don't think I need to mention that the model's also wonderfully sexy, but I will anyway. :)
On Elise Sutton's writing
Since I just posted a picture from Elise Sutton, I figured I should post my thoughts on her writing. If you haven't read any of her posts, don't worry, I'll be quoting the whole way.
This is just from the section about 'Unleashing Female Power'.
Hmm, more like 'Certain women have power over certain men'.
"The truth is that women are the superior gender and that once a woman unleashes her dominant power, no man will be able to stand up to her. Men become submissive and like little puppy dogs when they are confronted with a powerful woman. The good news is that you have this powerful woman on the inside and men desire to submit to her. "
Why do some people think this is okay? If someone wrote this exact phrase, but reversed the genders, they'd be a misogynist! It's too bad the word misandrist isn't as well known. I don't believe in the superiority of either gender. People are people, plain and simple. To be honest, anyone who believes that 'confronting someone with their dominance' will turn someone into a submissive gets on my nerves. I've had plenty of male dominants pull that on me and it makes me want to punch their teeth out.
Because no one has any physical, mental or spiritual dominance if they're in sweatpants, silly! You have to conform and submit to the whims of your man's attraction to societal views on beauty! No man will willingly submit to a woman who's fat, or ugly, or doesn't take care of herself! Don't be ridiculous!
She goes on for the next few paragraphs about how a lot of men have foot fetishes and leather fetishes, so you should wear leather and heels. Then she starts in on the dieting and looking fit so that he'll deem you desirable enough to submit to.
Really?
What?
"If you deny him and keep him aroused and frustrated most of the time, he will be so much more eager to serve you and to obey you."
The idea that men will only submit if you bribe them with sex... is just not positive, not for women and not for those who enjoy D/s for the sake of D/s. I realize that that sort of relationship may work for some couples. Maybe they enjoy themselves and that's all that matters to them.
But for me, I prefer that whoever is submitting does so because that's what they enjoy. It shouldn't matter if the dominant is wearing sweatpants, latex or their birthday suit. They're the dominant. The clothes they wear are not in charge of the situation. Dressing up is fun, but it doesn't make you any more or less of a dominant.
So these are my thoughts on Elise Sutton's theory of female superiority. She has some awesome photos on her site and I'm glad her kinks work for her, but they're definitely not for me. Especially if your dominance starts to fade when you start to get old and wrinkled. I intend to keep my dominance, thanks. No matter how old, fat or unkempt I might get. :)
PS - apparently, you can tell when I use sarcasm by the amount of exclamation marks I use.
This is just from the section about 'Unleashing Female Power'.
"Females have a power over men."
"The truth is that women are the superior gender and that once a woman unleashes her dominant power, no man will be able to stand up to her. Men become submissive and like little puppy dogs when they are confronted with a powerful woman. The good news is that you have this powerful woman on the inside and men desire to submit to her. "
Why do some people think this is okay? If someone wrote this exact phrase, but reversed the genders, they'd be a misogynist! It's too bad the word misandrist isn't as well known. I don't believe in the superiority of either gender. People are people, plain and simple. To be honest, anyone who believes that 'confronting someone with their dominance' will turn someone into a submissive gets on my nerves. I've had plenty of male dominants pull that on me and it makes me want to punch their teeth out.
"Next, begin to use your sexuality. I don't mean to be promiscuous or to flaunt it. What I am talking about is dress sexy and act sexual. Don't dress sleazy, but sophisticated and lady-like. Don't run around in baggy clothes and sweat pants."
She goes on for the next few paragraphs about how a lot of men have foot fetishes and leather fetishes, so you should wear leather and heels. Then she starts in on the dieting and looking fit so that he'll deem you desirable enough to submit to.
"use your sexuality and your dominance at the work place to get the promotions and the better paying position."
Really?
"Wear fetish outfits and use his fetish against him."
What?
"If you deny him and keep him aroused and frustrated most of the time, he will be so much more eager to serve you and to obey you."
The idea that men will only submit if you bribe them with sex... is just not positive, not for women and not for those who enjoy D/s for the sake of D/s. I realize that that sort of relationship may work for some couples. Maybe they enjoy themselves and that's all that matters to them.
But for me, I prefer that whoever is submitting does so because that's what they enjoy. It shouldn't matter if the dominant is wearing sweatpants, latex or their birthday suit. They're the dominant. The clothes they wear are not in charge of the situation. Dressing up is fun, but it doesn't make you any more or less of a dominant.
So these are my thoughts on Elise Sutton's theory of female superiority. She has some awesome photos on her site and I'm glad her kinks work for her, but they're definitely not for me. Especially if your dominance starts to fade when you start to get old and wrinkled. I intend to keep my dominance, thanks. No matter how old, fat or unkempt I might get. :)
PS - apparently, you can tell when I use sarcasm by the amount of exclamation marks I use.
Riding on his back
Nice stirrups too, actually... this would be a pretty nice set up for those into carrying their riders on their hands and knees. It actually looks fairly comfortable for her. Bet the carpet's none to nice on his knees though!
Due attention and care
I feel like poo today.
Here, have a spanking from Otto.
I know a good spanking always makes me feel better. :)
Bondagey fun
Does anyone know who these characters are? I feel old for some reason. Maybe I'm just not into enough pop culture... not that that's a bad thing.
And so I made my own!
And of course, some of them would be the exact opposite of what I made. Some people only want kink to mean kinky sex. It's different for everyone, which is one of the biggest things to consider when you're talking to other people who live under the giant umbrella term that is kink.
contorted
Bondage, contortionism and... well, just look at that ass.
Got you
The details in this picture absolutely make it for me. Their expressions, the crop behind the back, the outfit, the bondage and the gentle caress... beautiful.
Fetching a brush
It'd be a very good brush for spanking though. *wicked thoughts*
I, of course, cannot spank my boy at this time, because of the recent surgery. So I'll keep looking at kinky photos and reading smut and drive myself a bit crazy.
Photo from RedBottom83.
So happy...
So, you know how I wished this picture could be turned into a photo?
I GOT MY WISH!
I love when things happen this way. Just look at this photo! It's absolutely gorgeous!
By the very talented (and mind-reading) John Williams. Check out the rest of his gallery, it's definitely worth it.
Justine
Of course I can get the answers to my questions if I watch the movie, but I kind of prefer it this way.
leash and collar
I really like the shapes he's made with his use of light and shadow. Really well formed.
A well deserved spanking
Did you know that the shape you make with your hand when you're spanking changes the sensation for your bottom? If you spank, try making different shapes. Cup your hand or keep it flat. Also, you can use the palm or the back of your hand. My boy tends to prefer the back of the hand, and I find it easier on my hand.
Hmm, is he being punished or rewarded?
Gender
So, here're my thoughts on gender. They're not original, but here's what they are: I find it very true that whenever cis people talk about alternative genders, they're always like, "Myeh, I've always been happy in my body, why aren't you?"
I've always been happy eating peanuts, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go shove them down someone's throat and give them anaphylactic shock (whoot, spelled it right on my own!). (Ok, I can think of precisely two people I would do that to. But that's not the point.)
Just because something works for, say, 90% of the population and not for 10%, does that make it ok? I'm not saying we need to get ridiculous and have dolphin bathrooms. There's only so much we can accommodate, as a society. But I think we can at least let people make individual choices, so long as they don't inconvenience everyone. As a gay person, I would be pretty fucking pissed of if some straight person came up to me (as in times passed) and said, "Look, this works for 90% of us, so it had better work for you, too." (Come to think of it, that does happen to me. But I can still go home and fuck my wife.)
Back to the peanuts: just because they work for 90% of the population, they still make 8% of the population uncomfortable and kill 2%. It's the same with gender. (No, I don't know the actual statistics of peanut allergies.) Sure, 90% of people (or whatever) are perfectly happy with their bodies (or at least their gender. Maybe this whole fat thing really -is- women trying to make themselves more like teenage boys?). Great for them! Seriously, I'm happy and I wish them the best. Being happy isn't a bad thing, and being content with who you are is great.
But then you've got another 8% who are uncomfortable with their 'gender identity'. And 2% who, if they can't change, don't find life worth living. So they should just buckle under, because they've got the other 90% telling them how happy they are?
Shouldn't we be surprised (I don't remember where I read this first, so I can't give credit, sorry) that more people aren't unhappy with a binary definition of gender? You're either pink or blue? Sorry, no purple or green or orange.
What if one day we woke up and everyone had a mark (like a My Little Pony), and this mark indicated the job you would have for the rest of your life, and there were only two: janitor and carpenter. The carpenters build everything, and the janitors clean up.
People would freak!
"Yesterday, I was a nurse and now I'm a janitor? Screw that!"
And no, you can't change and go from being a janitor to a carpenter, or vice versa. Sorry, it's done. That's what you are. One or the other.
The only reason this works for gender is that we didn't just wake up and find it this way. Everyone has already been marked janitor or carpenter from the beginning, so they just go with it.
But some people can't. Some people want to be the other job, or be a welder, or a ballerina. And what's wrong with that?
Leather bondage
From Adriana Munoz.
Supermodels and Tulips
So, what do supermodels and tulips have in common? Less and less. But...
about, but...), where he talks about beauty, in nature and our subconscious, correlating to health: symmetry, size, colour, etc. The healthier something (a plant, animal, human) is, the more beautiful we perceive it to be.
I'm reading Michael Pollan's fantastic book The Botany of Desire (I find it really sad that this is the first thing that pops up when I Google 'botany'. Yes, it's a great book, but it's not "Botany"! And that most of what came up was about the show, which, again, I was happy to find out
about, but...), where he talks about beauty, in nature and our subconscious, correlating to health: symmetry, size, colour, etc. The healthier something (a plant, animal, human) is, the more beautiful we perceive it to be.There are, of course, exceptions. Like the tulip. During the 17th century Dutch tulipomania (great word, that. It's reading as a typo, of course, but it's a real word), the most prized flowers were 'broken'--they had a contrasting patch of colour on each petal. People noticed that these flowers had fewer bulblets (I don't remember the actual word and don't feel like looking it up) making them even more valuable, but they had no idea why until the invention of the microscope. That's right. The beautiful pattern was caused by a virus that weakened and eventually killed the flower, so now any tulip that emerges showing the broken pattern...is killed. We don't have them anymore. Beauty doesn't always mean health, especially with people. (Another wonderful example that Pollan doesn't mention is the 19th century vogue for looking consumptive. Logically, it makes no sense: people with consumption are not healthy [or particularly beautiful] but, for a time, it was beauty).
Which, of course, brings me to our own whacky time, and the reason I made the link in my sleepy brain last night. Illixim is beautiful. Like, freaking gorgeous. And built like Henry VIII, like a good, proper, round nobleman. None of this scrawny, peasanty shit. She's round and healthy and...fertile? ...that's just creepy. Anyway. But now, of course, our ideal has shifted. "She's not healthy. She's fat."* Well, how does the exact same person, shifted across a few centuries, become a completely different state of being, a totally different ideal? If most of our current ideal people were moved back in time, and had the privilege of being noble, everyone would be trying to fatten the poor dying things up! (they also would have laughed their asses off at body builders. Muscle meant you worked.)
Can't we find a happy medium, where we can move past our biology (or worse, culture) and realize that weight and health and beauty are subjective, if they're even very interconnected? My philosophy about weight (and no, I don't always remember this when I have to go buy new pants) is this: as long as you can do what you need to and you want to in your life, then be whatever weight you are. If you find that your weight is interfering with something you want to do (or muscle, or endurance, or whatever), then change it. If not, why not? Why let an arbitrary, and obviously fluctuating ideal influence your life?
(lol, I feel kind of bad for always posting long, boring rants. Illixim's the fun one. "Here, look at sexy, naked pictures. Don't mind my wife's ranting, here, pretty pretty!" Although, c'mon, that painting of Henry the Eighth is damn sexy. I'll give you a random oddity: if you scroll down to the bottom,
| Preceded by "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" by The Rolling Stones | Billboard Hot 100 number one single "I'm Henry VIII, I Am" by Herman's Hermits August 7, 1965 (one week) | Succeeded by "I Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher |
Really? It comes right between that and that?)
*Not my views
Spayed!
So, I hate my period. Not just like, 'meh, I don't like it, myeh myeh'. No. I fucking can't stand it. The thought of having it for the next fifty-odd years (even as infrequently as I actually get it) fills me with dread and disgust. I hate the smell, I hate the mess, I hate the way it makes me cramp. I'm pretty sure that most of the depression I have during my period is strictly blood-related. And the fact that I can't reconcile being a non-woman bleeding out of a hole I don't even use. Seriously. Keeping a hole in your body thats only purpose is to bleed and drive you insane? I think not.
Soooo my doctor learned that I'd never been to the gynecologist, so he made me an appointment. I was seriously freaked out. I mean, I don't like having things in there at the best of times. And I insisted on it being a woman. Illixim went to a man, and he was so super creepy perky. Totally unsettling.
So I get there, and it's a very tall, very mannish woman who could easily have been trans (even my grandma thought she was a lesbian, but I'll get to that). And she's totally cool with Illixim being there, and she gets that we're a couple and includes her in the discussion and asks what I'm there for. I tell her about the evil period of doom and how what I really want is for it to go away. And she's all "Have you considered a hysterectomy?"
[pause for rant. I really hate the word hysterectomy. You're not removing my hysteria. Which, c'mon, totally loaded word. It's fucking infuriating. Anyway.]
And I'm all, "Derrr...will it MAKE IT STOPPP?!!!!"
So, upshot. Yes. It will make it stop, and there are no non-surgical complications, and I got to have this whole discussion in a backless hospital gown tucked under one of those stupid sheets, which is always a great way to make Grown-up Decisions TM, but nothing got stuck inside me and I went away with hope.
[note: I tried the whole 'take birth control to minimize period' thing. I started taking it in the middle of my period. My period stopped, and then started again. Immediately. Everyone was all 'Oh, yuss, just take it for a few months and it'll settle down and maybe you won't get it." FUCK THAT NOISE! I would rather get my period every six months or so and yes, have a week of utter miserable hell, than have it settle down for a few months. Noooooo.]
So I went home with my handful of brochures and went to several semi-ridiculous sites. Ok. I get that for some women having their uterus removed is really traumatic, because they have cancer, or they want children, or whatever. But making a website where you can't use 'child related' things in your username so it won't offend anyone? Wow.
I had several people ask me about the whole having (or more to the point, not) children. And I did have a little unhappy Darwin dance in my head, I will admit, and some evolutionary guilt over opting out of the gene pool. But technically, I could still have children. They could still be my eggs, they would just need to grow somewhere else. But I would still be contributing as much to the continuation of the species as say, a man: I would be donating my genetic material in germ form. Also, I really don't want children. I hate the little fuckers. Sure, I'll hang out with them from time to time, and babies are amusing for about an hour. But I hate people. And I sure as hell hate what amount to even more ignorant people. So, no. And besides, I shouldn't have children. I would be an insanely shitty parent. I am -way- too involved in myself, my life, and my happiness to bring some attention-stealing parasite into my world. But at least I can admit it. And who would want to bring a kid into this shit world, while I'm on the subject?
At some point during this period I watched Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, and I just loved the line "I barely survived my own childhood, I don't want to be responsible for someone else's" or however it goes. Totally sums up my philosophy. So, yeah, that was a total non-issue. Again, see above re: involved in myself. I was only worried about the consequences directly involving me.
But they sounded pretty minimal. So I made another appointment and went in to say yes, I want the surgery.
[At this point, I should probably mention something else about myself. I have a medical fetish. Like, a really big one. Since I was at least five. But I've never had any major medical things, especially not voluntary ones. When I was little I had a Sesame Street book about Grover going to the hospital to get his tonsils out, and I loved it. It was like preschool porn for me. But did I ever get surgery? Nooo. Did this influence my decision...maybe. A little. Yeah. Totally.]
And then I waited. And finally, on November 16th, Louis Riel's execution day, my surgery date was set for December 22nd, the day after Winter Solstice. Very significant seeming.
So, I set my affairs in order, got a will kit, joined my grandfather's memorial society (weird, very weird. But then, I have a morbid family. I come by it honestly). Just in case. And I waited. Then the surgery got postponed to January 4th, because some woman had the gaul (is that the right kind of gaul? gall? I think it's gall. But the other one is funnier and makes me think of Asterix) to have cancer. I know, right? (No, seriously, the woman who called to let me know was super apologetic. No matter how many times I said, you know, it's alright, cancer completely trumps my elective surgery, she just kept apologizing.)
[another rant: I hate when that happens. It really angers and depresses me. Like, how many people did the poor receptionist have to talk to who honestly thought that their shit was more important than saving someone's life? Those situations, when someone is apologizing for something a) reasonable and/or b) out of their control...Fuck, I hate people.]
So I got to have Christmas not as a cripple. Yay. Then it was just more waiting until...
The hospital! Illixim was going to work, because there was no point in her freaking out rattling around the hospital (as it turns out there was, because she was just freaking out rattling around work. Oh well.) So I got a ride from a friend, but he didn't stay, so I was all alone and a little anxious. I forgot my coat in reception and had to go back down and get it. But everyone was super nice and made everything really easy.
[I just thought of another of my Weird Deciding Factors. You should read that in John Candy's voice, like from Little Shop of Horrors. He was my favorite actor as a child, mostly if not entirely because of his last name. Anyway. Illixim, being a responsible pet owner, believes that pets should be spayed or neutered. And I'm a pet. So...]
So I read my book and waited for like three hours, until they had to take my book away and shuffle me down to the surgical waiting room, where I had the only magazine (it was also really cold, so me and the patient in the little booth directly across from me were both huddled under blankets. I had been cold since the first waiting room, where the only non-nice nurse had been all "Don't touch the bed if you don't have to, someone else has to use it!" but then I was cold so I grabbed the folded blanket and tucked myself in on the chair--which I moved to a better position. I also nabbed a chair with arms in the surgical waiting room. I always think, I am a human, and I adapt my environment to suit my needs! Anyway. And she kind of glared at me when she saw me with the blanket. Weird.
So, I had the only magazine, which was great. Unfortunately, it was from ICR. And worse, it was only like three pages long. So I didn't even have any length of religious wackery (I'm not one to bash religions, but some of it is just wackery, plain and simple. Like, when someone says "reason for the season" THE ONLY thing that comes into my head is Ned Flanders) to occupy me, but then people kept showing up to talk to me, like my gynecologist, who was also my surgeon, which was nice, and she patted me on the knee, which made me feel better. She also told me I would have to take a stool softener, and I'm not sure if she told me it would be a big red pill and I absorbed the information subconsciously, or if I just psychically knew, but it is indeed a big red pill. Then they put me in the operating room and started hooking me up and putting a railway tunnel...I mean IV...in and all that. They also gave me some funny-smelling gas and I started grinning like an idiot, and the last thing I remember thinking is, jeez, why am I grinning like an idiot, I should probably stop but I can't seem to...Luckily they didn't put me in the stirrups until I was out.
Then I woke up and two women were leaning over me, and I was pretty dopey and out of it. One of the first things I remember them asking was "Why did you decide not to have children?" Honestly. I shit you not. 'cause, wow, timing. Everyone joked later that I should have said, "What?! I can't have children?! What did you people do to me?!!!" But I just grinned blearily and gave them the Don't Be Afraid of the Dark party line.
Then they wheeled me into my room. A private room would have been $120/night, so I said no, but...I got a private room anyway, as it turned out. Yay!
And then I laid there for a bit and people ambled around and I really hated my catheter. Seriously. Nothing else hurt. Just the catheter. And eventually the IV. The holes in my abdomen? Nope. The stitches in my vagina? Nosir. That would make, you know, sense.
And then Illixim and my grandma (who was a huge hit with all the nurses) showed up, and I was so happy to see them! And I felt pretty good. Illixim had found a get well card in the hospital gift shop that had a picture of a cat that looked like one of ours, but it was a religious get well card. I'm not sure how that works. "Get well, or Jesus will kill this cat"?
Eventually my grandma left and we had some food and I was still feeling good (except for the damn catheter) so they decided I could get up and walk around. I walked to the bathroom and back and was sitting back on my bed when I really, really had to puke. I told the nurse as quickly as I could, and she brought me one of those stupid, tiny kidney bean shaped dish things. Like, yes, if a bee had to puke, it would be plenty. A human being? Not so much. Yeah. I felt pretty bad. So the catheter stayed in.
Then they gave me some Gravol, which made me really, really sleepy, and then Illixim had to go, so I read, but then I was awake, so I made them give me more--not because I was queasy, but because it had put me so wonderfully to sleep and I was feeling sorry for myself.
Of course, they kept taking my temperature/blood pressure/oxygen-finger-clampy thing all night, and it was bright, and there were crazy old ladies across the hall, so I didn't sleep -well-, but...the light string that attaches to the pillow is brilliant.
Of course, when I woke up in the morning, the catheter wasn't bothering me, and I had cream of wheat, which I've never had before, and now I know why. Because it's lumpy phlegm. But that's ok.
And then Illixim showed up again, and I was so happy. And then we signed my release and she wheeled me out and I found out about how our bank had fucked up, so my grandparents got my prescriptions, and then I went home.
And I've felt, overall, better than I do during my period. And now I won't get it. So, rad. Totally in favour. Everyone should go get one. I've been moving a little slow, but it's been rare for me to be in pain. Mostly it's just discomfort, which is totally worth it. And I can (I mean, have to) rest for six weeks. Which reminds me of Stupid Internface. So in the morning this guy shows up, literally two minutes after they took out my catheter, and the nurse is still standing there from having taken it out, and he goes, "Have you been up to pee yet?" Nurse: "We just took out the catheter." Internface: "Oh. Ok." Then he talked at me some more, told me I should just rest for two weeks, making me want to remove one of his organs and tell him that, and then asked if I had been up to pee yet. Nurse: "We JUST took out the catheter." And, you know, I've been laying here this whole time. In your view. Not peeing. Or walking. *facepalm*
Oh yes. I also wanted to email Adam Corolla and tell him I'm suing him for tearing the stitches in my vagina, because his book is freaking hilarious. Except that I hear it in the voice of Spanky Ham. Which doesn't seem to be entirely inaccurate.
Pony, maid and fetish gear
I like the different gags he's drawn.
Tail with a bow
This looks like some sort of pony play parade. I want more!
The Psychology of SM
I found a very interesting article about SM, by Charles Moser. I suggest reading the whole thing, though it's a giant wall of text, but these are the parts I found most interesting:
"There is no accepted definition of what constitutes S/M behavior and the spectrum of sexual interests of those individuals who adopt an S/M identity is quite broad. Colloquially, we can define S/M as an erotic interest in giving and/or receiving painful (either physically or psychologically) stimulation. It should be noted that the perception of pain is in the judgment of the observer; the recipient may or may not report the experience as painful."
I will make one note here, I, and I assume others, don't always necessarily see SM as erotic. Yes, sometimes it's incredibly arousing or wonderfully sexy, but sometimes it's just a physical and spiritual release. It is a different kind of pleasure than sex or foreplay.
"For the purpose of the present article, an S/M practitioner is an individual who actually takes part in the behavior and self-defines as being involved in S/M or a similar term.1 Additionally, for the purposes of the present article, S/M practitioners engage only in consentual acts among adults. While members of any group can engage in nonconsentual acts, it has been unfairly and incorrectly assumed that S/M practitioners must somehow be forced or coerced, or force or coerce their partners, into engaging in these activities."
"While there is some disagreement, there is little doubt that at least some S/M practitioners are able to sustain long term relationships. The role of S/M in these relationships varies in a number of ways. Some couples only engage in S/M during some sexual inter actions, some always have at least an element of S/M in all sexual interactions, some employ S/M role-plays throughout the relationship but not at all times, and some attempt to live out the S/M roles at all times. Some individuals see S/M as part of foreplay (a sex-style), others see it as part of a lifestyle, while still others fluctuate between these two states (Breslow et al., 1985, 1986)."
Breslow, N., Evans, L., & Langley, J. (1985). On the prevalence and roles of females in the sadomasochistic subculture: Report of an empirical study. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 14, 303-317.
Breslow, N., Evans, L., & Langley, J. (1986). Comparisons among heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual male sadomasochists. Journal of Homosexual ity, 13{1), 83-107.
I'm glad that this is addressed. You will find just as much variation in SM relationships as you will in vanilla relationships.
"Prior to Krafft-Ebing (1886/1965), S/M was neither a sickness nor a sin (Bullough & Bullough, 1977). It seems that behaviors that we might consider to be S/M were commonly found in ancient marriage manuals (Kokkoka, 1150/1965; Nefzawi, 1400/1964; Vatsysayana, 450/1964). It was only in the late fifteenth century that the first unambiguous case report of S/M was reported, and then as a medical curiosity rather than a problem (cited by Ellis, 1936). Other case reports written in a similar vein followed, but S/M was still seen as a curiosity rather than pathology. While S/M behavior probably existed before the 15th century, historical accounts do not in clude enough information to ascertain whether the behavior was done consentually and/or for erotic purposes in order to make an unambiguous categorization."
Krafft-Ebing, R. von (1965). Psychopathia sexualis: A medico-forensic study (F. S. Klaf, trans.). New York: Bell Publishing Company, Inc. (Original work published 1886)
Bullough, V., & Bullough, B. (1977). Sin, sickness, and sanity. New York: Meridian Books.
Kokkoka (1965). The koka shastra (A. Comfort, Trans.). New York: Stein & Day. (Originally written 1150)
Nefzawi, S. (1964). The perfumed garden (R. Burton, trans.; A. H. Walton, ed.). New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons. (Originally written 1400 A.D.)
Vatsysayana (1964). Kama sutra. New York: Lancer Books. (Originally written 450 A.D.)
Ellis, H. (1936). Love and pain. In Studies in the psychology of sex (Vol. 1). New York: Random House. (Original work published, 1903)
I don't mind being a bit of a curiosity. A sexual psychopath, however? I'd decline.
"As S/M behavior is seen transhistorically (Ellis, 1936) and cross-culturally (Ford & Beach, 1951), we can assume it is part of the repertoire of innate human sexual behaviors. Behavior which appears to be analogous to S/M is also common among mammals. For example, Kinsey, Pomeroy, Martin, and Gebhard (1953) name 24 different mammalian species which bite during coitus. Addition ally, Gebhard (1976) remarks "From a phylogenetic viewpoint it is no surprise to find sadomasochism in human beings" (p. 163)."
Ellis, H. (1936). Love and pain. In Studies in the psychology of sex (Vol. 1). New York: Random House. (Original work published, 1903)
Ford, C. S., & Beach, F. A. (1951). Patterns of sexual behavior. Scranton, Pennsylvania: Harper & Brothers.
Kinsey, A. C, Pomeroy, W. B., Martin, C. E., & Gebhard, P. H. (1953). Sexual behavior in the human female.Philadelphia: W. B. Saunders Company.
Gebhard, P. (1976). Fetishism and sadomasochism. In M. Weinberg (ed.), Sex research. New York: Oxford University Press.
All in all, a very well thought-out and thoroughly researched article. I included the references, since I'm quite interested in looking up these books myself and I'm assuming there will be others interested too. I want to read all of these books he's referenced, as well as more by him.
Ah, marriage
A beautiful picture from the very talented Camille.
Rawr.
Also, can you imagine the bride wearing that strap on all through the wedding? Now that would be a wedding I would enjoy.
Anime pet boy
Art from Femdom Resource.
Feminism
Art from Little Fetish Kitten.
I still have my own issues about bdsm and feminism. I do consider myself a feminist, even if I don't consider myself female. I believe that all genders should have equal rights; no matter the shape of their genitals, wether they can become pregnant or wether they can impregnate their partners and no matter what hormones their bodies produce.
I believe in equality for people in general. I also believe that a healthy Ds relationship is an equal partnership. However, my brain can't seem to reconcile that with the images and ideas I grew up with when I see certain pictures or encounter certain situations. Which, since I'm big on the bdsm and am often seeking out these pictures and situations, isn't exactly uncommon.
It seems to be engrained in me that women shouldn't submit to men, even willingly. Women are working hard to be seen as equals, why would any sane woman submit her will to a man?
I have bottomed for two men, before I started to think about my gender as being other than female and I find it hard to look back on myself bottoming to men fondly.
The first was time with someone who seriously abused my trust, my boy's trust and the trust his two female partners. He left me with a very nasty taste in my mouth concerning the men in the bdsm world. It was probably the worst night involving bdsm that I'd ever experienced. That night left scars on all of us and I'm ashamed that I didn't step up and do what was necessary to care for my friend and stop the scene.
The second was with the man I trust most, my mentor. We didn't play, but I acted as a stunt bottom for him in public, during Taboo. I let him teach someone how to spank, using me as a model. He didn't hit me hard and we were not playing. I wasn't in that headspace. I have a lot of padding and I enjoy some serious percussion play when I do bottom, so he was on a very low end of my pain scale. However, there were certain tops watching that I feel very iffy about and I really despise having them twist the image I have of myself as a butch, sadistic top into their image of me as a submissive woman.
So the first time was traumatic, the second was unfortunate due to the audience.
My thoughts seem to trend towards this: I see nothing wrong with being a submissive woman. I despise certain people's idea of what a submissive woman is.
I cannot reconcile these two parts to female submission. I have a lot of friends who are female bottoms. Wether they be kinksters, fetishists, submissives or masochists, they have strong personalities, they are amazing and wonderful people. They don't submit because they're slutty, brainless doormats. They submit because it's something they love, or because it gets them off in the best way, or because those fuzzy endorphins are the best thing ever. If it makes their partner happy, that's just icing on the kinky cake, but I don't think I know a single female bottom who bottoms because her partner is a top. All of the ones I know are either with a top because they found one to suit their needs or because they showed their partner how amazing kink could be.
And yet my brain can't put what I know of female submissive type people together with society's image of submissive women.
Oh brain, why can't you realize that society's brainwashing is awful and wrong and you should ignore it? You've dealt with your fat-phobic issues, your gender misconceptions and a lot of your bdsm ones... this one is next!
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